Bienvenue au Senegal

The complex equation of a teardrop

2007-11-26T02:52:00.000-08:00

I was reflecting briefly on how a tear or a drop of water travels. Such a small amount of water, yet such a long distance. As it gives out, it reclaims. Something so simple, and yet the equation to figure out what distance it will travel based off how large it is, the humidity in the air, the friction of the surface it is traveling on. Hmmm.

. . .

I wonder how something so simple as my internship turned into something so incredibly complex.

I think about my interests, my faith, culture, cultural change. Of how I feel I connected with my co-workers, and yet that connection never went beyond the rare invitation to someone's house for dinner. Perhaps 3 or 4 times throughout 6 months. I’m not sure I’d want to live on that for much longer. It’ll have to go further next time.

I feel like I could embrace a new culture, that I could thrive in one, really. But, I need to find work that makes me want to be there.

Perhaps that's the essential behind all of this. Exciting about culture and change, yet frustrated, bored, and self-judging about my work. Likely, I'll need to figure out work before I figure trying to figure out a new culture.

. . .

I think of some of the people I'm leaving behind. I will miss certain co-workers as well as friendships made along the way. Even some in the villages themselves, despite the lopsided reasons behind them. Both sides have been using each other for their own means. I perhaps didn't see that I was doing that, but I certainly felt like they were doing that with me. But, I can't deny that this was a mutual using experience.

I think I'll be more content when that 'using' ends and true relationship can form. That requires time and interest, both of which were at times lacking throughout the internship. Everything, I think, just seemed so surface-y. That's probably the greatest dimension that frustrated me.

And yet as I go, I know that I found depth in a few, unexpected places.
Betty.
The family that moved into my place October and November.
A few of my co-workers, with the passage of times.
Learning to joke (giving away my sister for marriage at the extreme price of 70 cows - never got them, so they never got my sister . . . at any rate, I say goodbye to a few ex-brothers in law as a result! ah ha ha h)
Even myself. Learning to let go, to open up, to live out instead of inside all the time.

. . .
As I go, it's the lessons I learned not the results gained that I personally will value the most. I think that's all that matters now. I look to do better the 2nd time round, wherever and whenever that might be.

. . .

I'll see everyone in just a few days.

. . .

(caught in the middle . . . but working towards a particular side as I slowly move along)

Alex

Somewhere in the middle

2007-11-23T11:29:00.000-08:00

There is a song written by Casting Crowns. I think it sums up the spirit of my heart and mind at present. If you get a chance to listen to it, it's a fantastic song. '

. . . deep water faith in the shallow end, and we are caught in the middle . . . The God we want and the God who is, but will we trade our dreams for His, or are we caught in the middle . . .'

. . .

I have 1 week left before leaving. Despite the craziness, I've finally found a few moments to simply reflect. Although, really, I'm tired of thinking. A job like this, with so few clarifications (it seems) has made me pretty tired.

It seems like the greatest point of frustration for me over the past 6 months boils down to a feeling of not having been given sufficient feedback from the people I would have expected it to come from. Freedom created a lot of problems for me because I had very little sense of 'what is supposed to be' or 'what I'm supposed to find out'. With so little feedback, I don't think I ever found myself believing that what I was doing was going in the right direction.

I understand very clearly now what is meant by 'institutional arrangements, norms, perceptions, and behaviours' towards the environment. I have less of an idea of whether or not that is even what World Vision Senegal wanted me to find out and whether or not it's good enough.

Some of the hardest points have been times when I feel people are really excited about knowing about what I've learned, and yet I've never really believed that much of what I was doing was going to be bringing anything new to the table. It comes down to a sense of people's expectations towards you being higher than you believe possible to fulfill. You might want to, but the time you have to work with just doesn't feel long enough to get beyond everything that was difficult in order to show some quality work at the end of the day.

It's hard to explain exactly to what extent I believe I 'figured things out'. This has certainly been an internship where it was what I made it. Just, I think I've learned more about what not to do. . . .

. . .

All this said, there are a lot of things that I'm very proud of. I am proud of having taken charge of my own internship part way through the month of August. Most of my village level work was done, however, around that time. So, that will look oddly in the end.

I am proud to look back and realize some things that I do and don't like. I am much more aware of my own needs while overseas. I am proud of some of the ways that I positively started to respond to the culture that I found myself in. That positive response, mind you, was built on a few factors, and factors which remain as clues to me: funky clothes, having some cool conversations with people in the city, being in the city, having a lot more structure built into my work (looking to others for answers instead of having to find them myself), and relating better to a few co workers - also linked with simply engaging the language a bit more (the language really helped facilitate some things, and I see it as a key to engaging any culture I might tackle in the future).

I'm proud of whatever it is that I figured out on my own. I'm proud for having accomplished simple things like arranging my own schedule for the workshops, of creating the translated template of the workshop exercise, of learning through the workshops, of working on the fly for the report of 1 of the 2 workshops. I have no idea, mind you, of whether the report template is the one I was supposed to use . . . and neither is there yet a report for the 1st workshop. It'll come.

I'm proud of taking charge of arranging things like my own transportation when World Vision was not able to do it for me. I'm proud of having worked on many days that World Vision staff were not.

I'm proud of sticking to a schedule because my work required me to, even while the rest of the staff enjoyed a few days of a "Stress Management" workshop! I know I should have been there! . . . ah ha ha.

Essentially, it took me a long time to get over being too frustrated with my work. The ambiguity was killing me. Still is, but I adjusted at least somewhat to it so as to at least try to start to make some concrete decisions. I was still left with the problem of whether or not the questions I was asking, and the ways that I was doing things was effective or appropriate. But, I eventually stopped caring as much about that as well, blaming it on a lack of feedback. There comes a point, basically, where you stop blaming yourself and simply try to move on. I can say I'm mostly there. There are a lot of things with which I just raise my hands and say, 'I'm just learning, I guess'.

Just, to me, that's not the best way to learn. At least, I don't think so. Another big thing is that I never expected work to be so much about, 'Here, do this, but we won't tell you how it's supposed to happen'. Examples: the workshops, the report writing to the workshops, the follow up to the workshops. Essentially, I'm just making stuff up as I go. And I don't ever believed myself to be doing that in university. Thus, my work was justified. I've found myself needing to justify my work, and then simply assuming that it is therefore justified.

Again though, to be fair, part of it has to do with the scheduling, circumstances, and lack of time. November has been crazy, October was all over the place, and then there wasn't enough time to prepare for the workshops, it seems. July and August I was mostly on my own, so that by September I made myself be on my own.

Whatever. For all the things I've worked through, I just think life and work can be done better than that. And believing that, I judged my work inadequate. I did. No one else. And I think I still will on a certain level. But, apparently, I'm not sure how much I need to feel personally responsable for poor performance if there are never any indicators to work with or not enough feedback.

Meh, whatever. I'm sure most of you don't care. I'm just processing. Bear with me.

I'll see you guys in a week.

Coming to a close

2007-11-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

I can actually say, 'sadly', even if it's a bit conditioned.

I have 11 days left here in Senegal. The last 3 months have had a different feel , definitely the last two, and certainly this last one.

The first 3 were the hardest.
Not surprisingly, it was the time when I was in the villages the most. Whereas the last 3, I've been in and out sporadically.

But, as I promised to myself and others, I've waited to make conclusive judgment.
With 100% truthfulness, I am thankful for the process, glad to have gone through it.

If you want to enjoy a culture, you have to be willing to engage it. And, if you're me, you need to have a bit of your own in order to step away from it for awhile. That's a principle lesson I learned.

It's not necessarily working overseas that's hard. I think, for me, it was simply the 'working' part. And then it was made harder being overseas. But, I understand my own needs and preferences a lot more as a result of this internship.

But enough of this talk . . .

I was in the market today. My Thiya have caused quite a stare in the city. In fact, I sort of wish I had discovered them a lot sooner. Then turn the attention from 'give me money' to 'look at that white guy with thiya (pronounced, btw, CH eye ah. I actually have no idea how it's supposed to be spelt . . . ! ah ha ha ha).

While in the market, I bought my bananas and oranges. And then I walked past some Peules who stopped me and asked about my Thiya (of course, they asked in Peule, and thus I understood nothing). I showed them my Thiya. They showed me theirs. It was quite interesting, since they have knives attached to the sides of theirs. Being nomadic, they carry these knives around, I guess in order to defend themselves and for any necessary killings.

And now, I have a knife at my side. Alduma Ba give it to me. I have no idea who he is, where he came from, how old he is. Only that I took an interest in the knife (with the full intention of looking for one in the market today when I go to Kaolack). And then he showed it to me and proceeded to give it to me . . . Needless to say, I was a bit 'embarassed' you could say. More accurately, it was a confusion on how to respond appriopriately. A total stranger. A knife. Certainly not too expensive, but a gift all the same. And all I had was 5 oranges and 2 bananas I had just bought (along with a slew of pens, markers, cahiers, my laptop, my MP3 player, cell phone, wallet etc etc etc. But these were in my backpack. And I can't really justify to WV that 'yes, I gave him my laptop with all my research on it because he gave me his knife'. I'm not sure that would've been well received!).

So, I gave him the fruit. It was all I had that I felt I could appropriately give away.

Someone stepping out to offer me a gift first without ouright expecting something in return. That, I believe, is partially cultural. He refused the fruit 3 times before finally accepting it. Just, I felt I had to respond then and there for I will very likely never see him again. Just, it was finally the gesture I would have wanted to received from so many here in Senegal. Give me your 'hand' in friendship, unconditionally, not attached to my money, and I will give you mine in return.

It was a unique moment, and a very memorable one certainly.
. . .

I now have 3 Thiya. 2 Thiya sets (thiya with bou bou) and one Thiya just by itself (the green ones - John would know what I'm talking about). There's a Christmas party on December 1. I will be there, and I will be wearing my Thiya . . .

. . .

In the course of this internship, a part of me has been left in the sandy soils that are the heart and soul of the Senegalese 'poor'. Just, while materialistically poor, I will atest to the fact that they will do their best to give you their best.

For we the 'lofty', comfortable, and unconscious, it is hard to come alongside them in their fields and get our hands dirty. (we isn't we here, if you get me). But, if we can overcome the hurdles, and we invest in their individual or collective capacities, I think very positive transformation is possible.

Personally, I'm still a hung jury. The idealism of the past has been questioned by the very apparent reality. Just, I'm not sure I see poverty as a lack of means as much as it is a broken will to try, an inability or refusal to risk.

My workshops have wanted to bring people to the point where they start questioning why they believe they can't and why they don't believe it could happen.

The first workshop got stuck before it arrived. I learned a lot from it.
The second workshop, I pray, will succeed in different ways from the first.

The report will merely be a recollection of the lessons I learned during these past 6 months. Perhaps the format will be nice and professional, but I'm hoping to personalize it just a bit. We'll see what freedoms WV affords me when I return home.
. . .

And now for home and beyond. I hope not to stay too long, if I find the good fit for a next step. Otherwise, I might get stuck sticking around.

But, at any rate, truly, I am looking forward to the cold, coffee, snow, and snowboarding.
. . .

Thanks for reading all through this time. Thanks for your prayers and your support.
. . .

It's come to a close faster than it needed to.
See you in a bit.

Go figure (don't give it away until you're gone)

2007-10-30T01:54:00.000-07:00

Just yesterday, I was told by the new Chef de Base (Base manager) here in Fatick that my capris no longer cut it for proper office attire. I am now required to wear pants.

Unfortunately for Alex, he sent a few pairs home with his sister and a few others were just given away to one of the villages . . .

I guess I'll have to make do with my one remaining, cream coloured khakis. Ah ha ha ha ha ha!

Although, apparently my thiya still counts (whoot whoot), and so might my blue capris if I can sneak them in every now and again (they sort of resemble 'way to short' short pants)

Meh. 4 weeks.

Or I'll just wash my cream khakis every few days . . .

Ah ha ha ha ha ha.

Mango juice and chocolate cruesli

2007-10-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Who needs milk in cereal?!?. This is pretty good.

Waiting for my coffee to brew, figured I'd post another one.

I have 5 more malaria pills to swallow in Senegal. So not only was my vacation over just as soon as it started, so will my internship in the country of Senegal. I'm very grateful and excited about a focus, about something that I know I can apply myself to for the remaining 5 weeks. I'm just as excited about some things of home as I know I am and will be disappointed about some things I will be leaving behind in Senegal.

Today was a day on the beach. There's a very beautiful strip along the west coast of the city of Dakar, running along the northern section of Avenue Cheikh Anta Diop which has some great beaches and some great waves. Today, I took advantage of full blue skies, great temperatures, and a gentle, softly warm wind. Hung out with Anna, Shannon, and Sandra. There sometimes appear to be more girls in Senegal than guys, at least amongst the ex-pat community. Oh well. . . . ah ha ha ha ha. (actually, I had never seen Shannon before and Sandra only 2 times previously. We're gonna grab a bite to eat tonight and maybe hit up the clubs tonight (that would also basically be a first for me during my entire time here in Senegal) ).

(oh, and sorry if the sea and sunny skies bothers some of you. Since I don't get the joy of gorgeous fall weather, I have to rub in what I have to work with . . . I think I'll hit the beach just before I jump on the plane to come home on the 30th of November. That might be a good idea . . . ah ha ha ha)

But yes, this coming week, I need to translate an English workshop tool into French, learn about it, and then teach it to others (on Wed) (or else make it evidently clear to them what it's all about).

The week following is the first of two workshops. Two days. Then prep for the second workshop and the cycle repeats itself.

As a result of the changes, I'll have 1 week for time for follow up in the villages about the workshops. And time for an information session with World Vision Senegal staff that I think more and more is pretty important to do the further along I get into the exercise I'm planning.

Then three final days in the nation's capital.

All in all, I'm pretty excited about the final phase of my internship.

Feel free to let me know what you might like as a souvenir . . . I've got plenty, but if any of you have some cool suggestions, I'll looking it.

I might try to smuggle some young, dormant Baobab trees across the borders. Or maybe not smuggle if it's allowed. Anyone want one? I think they're pretty cool . . .

Over before it started et les voleurs de Dakar

2007-10-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

This past week was my vacation. Overall, it was fantastic. However, it was fast and it was short.

My sister arrived on Sunday, early morning, round 4:30 am, without any incident. We crashed till about noon, toured Dakar, and then made sure to sleep well that night.

Monday, we traveled to Fatick. We spent the day there, visiting a few co-workers, refusing multiple marriage proposals (although the offer of 60 cows was tempting). We saw the market place in Fatick, and we made a visit with Betty Reno and Laura, the two ex-pats with whom I've spent a lot of time over the past 5 months.

Tuesday, off we went to the village of Thiouthioune. I think Jozina got a better sense of what village life is like. Hot, dry, slow, and if you don't speak the local language, even more slow and boring than it would be if you at least speak French. But French doesn't cross all barriers either. Regardless, she wasn't too much a fan of the couscous, nor of the couscous with sweetened sour milk. She could live without 'atiya', the local Senegalese tea, and Café Touba wasn't a real thriller either. While she did eat the Djebu Jen (fish and rice), the fish was bought by me and thus a higher quality than is usual in the villages. And overall, I think she cut down a bit on her eating (although her appetite was also pretty low given the heat)

We ended up returning to Fatick at night, slowly wandering our way through the fields (following the sandy trails, mind you), directed by a few of the local teachers who caught a ride to Fatick from us. They provided the orientation, so that was a pretty good trade off.

Wednesday was a day of good and bad. The Bandia Reserve was excellent. Romping through the reserve, chasing after Giraffes and Rhinoceros. Couldn't do something like that at the African Lion Safari. Some good sites, some good pics.
On arriving in Ndagane, however, that's when things turned sour. Already tired from the day, frustrated by all the annoying negotiating one has to do in order to get somewhere and in order not to pay an unjust price, when we arrived at the hotel, I wasn't impressed. The pool wasn't that great, things were unkempt. Our room was dirty when we entered, and then, when we did switch rooms, they (I'm not kidding you) locked us in our room. After 5 minutes of pounding on the window pane, finally someone came. They said we had the key, we never even touched it, said they'd go try to find this lost second pair, and so we waited. And waited. While they had given us the spare key, we were mostly waiting for an apology. But, there was none. In fact, when we went out briefly to see how things were coming along, we found them all sitting around a table, talking away. So, that was the end of our stay at Les Cordons Bleus. Never to be recommended to anyone by me. At 80 USD a night, I would have expected to be treated by royalty, given that this is even a price charged in a place like Senegal.
The French can be so arrogant sometimes.

So, we jumped over to the simple, quaint hostel beside the hotel. Much, much simpler, half the price (even though on some level it wasn't worth that price either). But, the staff made all the difference. Bought us orange juice in the morning when we requested it, offered to go get and prepare our lunch on the Thursday, drove us into town with all of our luggage when we left Thursday evening. The main manager was a great guy.

5 hours after leaving the hostel, we finally arrived, tired and cramped from our ride in a 7 place station wagon, in Dakar. Crashed at New Tribes Mission. Probably my preferred resting spot in Dakar. Some great services included in the low price of 4600 CFA / night. Can't be beat.

And today, well, overall, today was great. Although, I'm sad to say I didn't do my job very well. We overpaid for a few key items we bought. Still, I think that it would probably take me about 1 year to get it all figured out. And even then there would be things that surprise me.

It was a pretty long day wandering around the markets of Dakar, continually shrugging off pestery sellers and occasionally thankfully avoiding scuffles after being called racist and being told that I should leave the market and go home to Canada by upset sellers, who, by the way, 20 minutes later, wanted to sell me something (losers). It can be tiring having to put up with their scheming and scamming.

All the same, en route to the French Cultural Centre in the evening, after the markets, I am content to report that I successfully fought off being stolen from.
There were 3 guys, all 'selling' things. Except, they stated pretty normal, acceptable prices. Clue number 1. Clue number 2. They were too happy. Number 3. They started grabbing my shorts, saying, wow, those are great shorts, great shoes etc. Then they started tugging and swishing my shorts. It was odd. And then they stopped. And in the back of my mind, something started wondering. I checked my pockets, and I had been checking my pockets during this time anyways. But, I double checked. We were about 15 seconds down the road, however, and they started really going at my shorts. I was like, 'what the heck are you doing?' All my senses on high, knowing that something was going down. And then, in the middle of their shaking and tugging my shorts, there was a hand reaching into my pocket . . .

And then there was me, shoving my hand against the third guy, pushing and shoving him into the side of the building at the side of the road. And then I went for his neck. Hand on his neck, my face burning, my eyes flashing, my adrenaline pumping, my heart burning so hard with anger, frustration, and fatigue of all that is sometimes Senegal. Of people who never stop asking for your money when sometimes I believe they should be working for it. Of people who state one price and then fail to live up to it. Of people who see white and only think of money. Of people who are as happy to sell you something as they are angry when you actually know the real price and simply cut to the chase.

Given the events of the day, and my level of frustration, this attempt by this 3 guys placed the piece of straw that broke the camels back. And I blew up. I yelled at that guy in English so hard, and drove at him so quickly. I didn't care what the other two were doing because I knew if I confronted this guy hard and forcefully, the other two would leave me alone or risk their friend being seriously injured if I started throwing punches.

At any rate, I shoved him away, yelling at him some more, threatened them not to come near me, and not to touch me again. And then I stormed off.

As odd as it might sound, I was thoroughly content. A little frightened perhaps, but there was a bunch of angst against some cultural stress that had been building up that was unleashed in those few moments. I let out against personal frustrations, against cultural nuisances, and against past failures. Against a time I was beat up (mildy) outside a bar in Guelph, against times in my life (grade school, high school, and even in university) when I've just stood there taking a beating or being threatened with one, instead of standing up for myself. It was a chance, finally, to simply show that I had had enough. These boys just picked the wrong time.

And so no, no one was hurt, and no one got into a fight. I just made it perfectly clear I wasn't going to stand there and get messed with.

So, that was an exciting event of this evening.

And so off we went to the French Cultural Centre. Watched a drum show. It was fantastic.

And then it was over. And then I had to go back with Jozina back to the hostel, to pack up our things, to make our way to the airport. As I write, it's 2:00 am. She will be flying out of the airport in just 1/2 hr's time. So, our time was well spent, but also very short. We did a whirlwind tour of all that is Senegal, and I think she got a good sense of what the country is like in just a few short days.

And, today is a day to mark on the calendar. In 5 weeks time, exactly to the date, I'll be back in Canada. You might be able to pick up in the post that things have been tough at times. There's a lot to have to deal with overseas sometimes. Overall, it's been a good and worthwhile experience. I'm very much looking forward to the next 5 weeks, and extremely curious to know where it all leads at the end.

But, I am looking forward to certain aspects of home. Of coffee at Starbucks or Tims. Of cold. Of snow. Of relaxing days and evenings when things just 'are' and I don't have to think so much.

Still, there is an energy in the rush, tug, push, and pull of working overseas. If I can find something properly suited for me, I'll want to find myself somewhere else in the world in the future. Perhaps even Senegal, despite all the ups and downs.

Only time will tell, and for now, I'll just work on these next 5 weeks . . .

Scorpions, Thiya, Headaches, and Satisfying work

2007-10-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

In response to a few blog posts: were my Thiya gold, they wouldn't be offered as a sacrifice to encourage a bloke to drop the habit when it's highly unlikely that will ever be a reality. Whatever. If I do happen to return with Golden Thiya, touch them not. Or thou shalt loseth thy handethness.
. . .

I write some interesting words in my interesting title in the hopes that you might find it interesting.

Headaches: I suffered today. It's been a long time since. And I'm willing to believe that the heat is partly to blame. The thought crossed my mind that I've repeated told myself that I don't sweat here like back home. So, why would it be dehydration. I fail to remember, often, though, that dry heat doesn't cause you to notice the sweat as readily because it doesn't stay on you as much as with humid heat. So, my headaches are likely to have something to do with that.

All the same, there have been a few times that I have directly pushed on the shunt valve to see if it would pop up on its own. The doctor, when I was in the hospital last, did that to me once. I thought it was illegal, that doctor police would rush in and handcuff him. But, no. And apparently, that's still an appropriate action to do because if it doesn't pop back up, that's a bad sign. But, it should always pop back up.

So, finally, tonight, I did that. And it took awhile. So, I'm a little concerned. It's fine right now, but I was like, what?!? Jeez, let's get popping. But, whatever. I'm praying for 6 weeks of time so that I can do something that I feel I finally understand the direction and structure of. And all the learning in the villages has led me here, so I really don't plan on throwing in the towel just quite yet, not after all that time and effort, frustration and learning.

. . .

Scorpions. They do exist in West Africa. And thankfully they don't kill you, otherwise, well, I'd be dead . . . I thought I had put my stomach against something burning or against a fiercer version of some of the biting ants they have here in Senegal. But no, in between the door and the door frame was a scorpion. And it stung me. (bad word, towards the scorpion).
I looked at it, though, 'hey, that looks like a scorpion'. And then I looked at it, and wow, it was a scorpion. And then I thought, hmm, if I suddenly start feeling faint, oh man . . . so, off I went romping to find me a book that would tell me if I was about to die.

I'm grateful there are no deadly versions of scorpions in West Africa . . .

. . .

As I've already alluded to, my work, despite being really intense this past week, has been really satisfying. I tend, as everyone must know by now, to sometimes do things in long-winded form. I realized that a few of the documents I slaved away at during my planning days for the Workshop planning days (so, the planning for the planning), well, they weren't that useful. And should've been abbreviated. So, they are now. But, they weren't then. Oh well.

Yesterday and today were long planning sessions where I learned that the planning I had done wasn't enough (not a huge surprise), and that we would have to expand what I was doing in a few ways. Workshop dates have been re-arranged, a new 'Jour de Harmonization' (a day of planning to make sure certain invitees are thinking the way we want them to be) was planned for each ADP where I worked.

Despite all of this, and because of it, really, because it means there are tangible and exciting things to do, my work has been satisfying this past week. For this, I am extremely thankful.

I'm also grateful for available money for the workshops, even while I haven't seen any of it yet. I'll be reimbursed all the same, and I haven't spent much of my own for the workshops to date. I won't be able to spend more anyways because I really don't have that much money at present. Except the money for my vacation.

Yes, priorities.

. . .

Well, I want to be rested for my day of work tomorrow. So, off to bed I go. I want to wake up well, without a headache.

We'll see.

my white thiya and the workshop saga

2007-10-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, if World Vision has taught me one thing (or has got me learning about it) is how to be flexible to changes.

All the funding for my workshops wasn't transferred between FY 07 and FY 08. Meaning, that even though they're working on finding funding from a different source, I'm pretty sure officially on paper right now, there's no money for the workshops that I've just spent the last 2 days and 20 hours of work trying to prepare for . . .

But, really, quite frankly, we can still do them without any budget whatsoever. That's the beauty of them. We won't feed anyone, but they can feed themselves because it's happening in the villages. We might lose a few State reps, but the people whom the workshops concern the most, well, they'll still be there.

So, if you ask me, if worse came to worse, I'd just do them on my own money. I'm paid well enough here to do that (to fund, of course, the much more simplified version of the workshops). Or at least 1 or 2 of them. I'm not sure after that . . . !
....
At any rate, that's not going to happen. There will be money, and by the time I come back from my vacation, everything will have fallen into place.

I hope.
....

So, did I tell you about my white Thiya? Well, my sort of white thiya? Okay, my white thiya that I spilled chocolate spread all over today . . . I washed most of it out, and eventually, when it fades to dusty brown, it'll fit right in!

My white Thiya. The glory of Senegal. Pants. Made out of 5 meters of material. Watch Aladdin again and then just attach the bottom of his pants, poke two holes in the bottom for feet, and double the width (which you then bunch up as you make it fit your waist).

As you might very well understand, I love them. And so do my Senegalese friends. Or co-workers. I can actually say that some of them have become friends. Friends I will miss. But friends without much depth, a product of a lack of time (my running into villages all the time never helped), my avoidance for quite some time, and language barriers. But, they're still friends all the same, and they love my pants. Or, more accurately, they like a white boy in Mourride pants. Or Bi-Fall. I can't remember what religious group . . . At any rate, I also have very colourful, patchwork Bi Fall pants to show off when I get home.

I think I'll wear them to the World Vision Canada office a few times. I'm sure it'd be acceptable attire (one of the only places in the world where this would be so . . .)

But yes, my white Thiya I am hoping to keep relatively white. I also plan on buying two more, which are NOT white. They shall be all mine! And I shall wear them. And I shall love them. And they shall not give me wedgies. And they shall not be see through when wet (except the white ones). And they shall be cool.

K, I've been in the office FAAAAAR too long, and I need to jet.
Plus, my head hurts. Sort of.
But what else is new.
'Stupid head' is sometimes stated as a mockery of someone. Mine would be an adjective for my head . . .
And no, it's not that bad. It's probably dehydration anyways. It's pretty warm here right now. 35 degrees I'm sure. Compared to your ungodly 10. Can't wait for it.

Write me.

Hurting ears and the Jesus excuse

2007-10-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

I like creating sort of bizarre titles. Perhaps they'll get people's attention.
. . .
NEways, I guess it's been just a little while since I last posted. It's 8 pm, and I'm still at the office. I say that sounding proud, and then I realize that there are millions of people who do that every day . . . Just, sitting at a computer and thinking for about 9 - 10 hours, regardless of what people say, can still be tiring . . .
. . .
My ears hurt, not because I have an infection but because I've been listening to my music almost non-stop during most of this day. Which has helped to motivate me through a lot of the reading and planning I've been doing. There's a song by Erika called 'I Don't Know' on the DanceFox Vol 1 cd that I received from the German couple that befriended me while I was tenting it on my own in Barcelona . . . I love how that sentence makes complete sense. Germans helping a Canadian. All are chilling out on the beaches of Barcelona . . . ah ha ha ha.

At any rate, things are slowly and very quickly piecing themselves together for the workshops. I've been spending the last few days trying to plan the Workshop Planning Days, to make sure things are addressed properly, completely, and efficiently.
. . .

The second part of the title has a slighly deeper meaning. Much of my time in Senegal has been rough. I can be the first to admit it, but also the first to understand why. There are many reasons:
- Not letting go of my friends (but knowing now that we're all moving on and that when I come back home, I'm no longer expecting things to be the same even while they will still be).
- Not really taking to 'agriculture' as much as I might have thought. This is still an ongoing thought process. Environment, yes. Agriculture? Not sure. But, the major question remaining is, Was it because I had no idea what I was doing that I don't like I like agriculture? Or is it the opposite? That because I'm not so keen on agriculture, I didn't know what I was doing and therefore didn't enjoy my time as well as I could have? Mind you, there's a lot to be said for not having designed my village visits well at all. I feel I should have known, but apparently and obviously did not. Oh well. That dimension would have helped everything. But, at least I got to learn the lesson.
- I've had a hard time connecting with the people that live here. That's odd, overall. I think there's something to be said here. I've connected well with the ex-pats, and a few people from whom I buy my groceries. And some of the youth of the Roman Catholic church that I rarely go to. But, still, I've found ways to fill the gaps, and travling over the weekends has been one of the ways. Mostly to get away from Fatick or to visit an ex-pat or chill in Dakar. I've really enjoyed this aspect of my time here, however, and it made a huge difference to everything by about early August.

But, these reasons to the side, here's the more major reason why it was rough: I wasn't able to see how my work matched my calling. While it's still not defined, the point finally drove itself home one day. I'm not sure entirely how, but it did.

It's not really going to be about what I'm doing as much as what I'm doing with what I'm doing. Get it? So, knowing whether I like agriculture versus the environment is important yes. But, what I was ignoring or refusing to give myself over to was this: no matter where I am, I am still able to serve the Lord. Obvious, eh? But, don't use the line 'I need to be serving the Lord according to my call' as an excuse not to work . . .

If you could see it, most of the issues I've been struggling with have a lot to do with personal pride and selfish greed. I think. Can't let go of my money. Can't simply take the time to listen to people, come along side them, come along the poor for fear of having to live like them.

Just, I have to start learning to do this wherever I am because is it just going to go away when I go home to Canada? It will if I revert to the boredom that repulsed me away from my country in the first place. And I can't go back to that. Don't really want to.

So, either I start living 'on the edge between light and darkness' (where all Christians should be striving to be near or moving towards) in Canada or abroad. I'm down with either, but I have to stop being comfortable. And I have to start working . . . life isn't really what it used to be. i.e. I'm not in school anymore. aha ha ha.

So, if I'm unwilling to think, unwilling to apply myself, unwilling to go into uncomfortable places, unwilling to see Jesus where he is active in every corner of the world do that in every aspect of my living, nothing will be fulfilling. Because at certain points, work is simply work. Parts of it are cool. Other parts suck. They're just work. So, thinking that because I don't like my work in some ways that therefore I'm not fulfilling my 'call' is, I think I'm learning, wrong.

I do still need to figure out what specific aspect of development I'm most passionate about. This will help. But, I'm more sure now than before that it is in development. Just, not necessarily agriculture . . . And regardless, this doesn't give me the excuse to not work.

The other dimension in all of this is me being willing to accept that, really, I don't think I want to link myself to a 'mission board' because then you get caught up in doctrinal and denominational squabblings. If I'm not linked to a denomination, then it becomes merely about sharing the gospel, not sharing the gospel according to the CRCers, the SoBaps, the Presbys, or the Lutherians. I just have no interest in getting caught up in that.

Development has it's own squabblings, but when I talk with people that I meet around the world, it won't have as much to do with whether we think Jesus wants us to submerge or sprinkle when baptizing. Just, that I'm trying to bring people to the point where they're willing to be baptized. That's seems a more exciting thing to be focusing on.

Oh, and if I don't want to think, I guess I can just go to the nearby KFC or McDonalds and work there . . .

Oh, and of course, yes, this post is all about my thoughts. Again. Sorry. And not that clear. I know. Oh well. Sorry. Just think about it . . .

Questionable bread and the full exploitation of first aid

2007-10-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

Every morning (almost), I buy bread from a seller who has a boutique about 100 m from my house. While I know where the bread comes from (it arrives in the back of a taxi, having been brought there from the village boulagerie), sometimes I wonder in what state it arrives. At any rate, it usually tastes half decent. Just, by the time it gets to me, I often wonder how many hands have touched it and what has been on the hands of those who have touched it . . . But ah, such is life, and I have yet to get seriously sick my whole time being here.
. . .
I've noticed that if you get a cut or an open sore on the ankle of your foot, right by your sandal strap, it can take a very long time to heal. As a consequence, finally I dove into my first aid kit, which is full of happy treasures waiting to be used for the sake of my health. I appreciate that red bag more than ever before, although I find it rather ironice that I've used it not while in the villages but while in the city . . . But, the thing is loaded with meds, bandages, alcohol wipes, and even, as I discovered for the first time when I opened it up for the first time only a few weeks ago, medications! For diarrhea, cold, and headaches. Why I was buying medications, I don't know . . . ah ha ha ha ha.
. . .

I am alone, at the moment. My housemates have moved out. I spent last night not wasting the evening away by watching a few movies (although I did watch one episode of "Heroes"). No, I cleaned out our kitchen. It was disgusting. Still, I bleached the floor, and wiped down the walls somewhat. Emptied out a whack of junk that was in it. I like my kitchen a lot more now!

I made note of two things: truly, I was living with bachelors (well, even if they did have kids, in that house, they lived alone while in Fatick) and second, the maid didn't do a very good job of cleaning.

But, with the boys goes the maid. So, now, finally, for the first time, I have the kitchen to myself, and perhaps I'll have to find someone to start cleaning out my house on a daily basis. Except, she'll actually clean well, not like this other woman . . . And, I also have to find someone else to do my laundry . . .
. . .

A new family, however, is moving into the two other rooms, but they are WV workers, so I'm sure it will be a beneficial thing.
. . .
NEwho, that's all for now. I gotta get to my day.

Home sooner than I wanted

2007-10-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

No, don't worry. I'm not sick. I'm not coming home toute de suite.

However, my ticket obligates me to be home in Toronto on the 30th of November. So, because of my eager desire to chill out (or sweat out!) in Senegal for another month, I've sort of lost Paris.

Sort of. I'll have 24 hours.

Enough time to do what I wanted to do, but sadly not the 4 day layover I wanted. Tant pis.
. . .
Oh, unless I wanted to pay the $4000 difference to upgrade my ticket from 6 months to 1 year . . . ah ha ha ha ha ha
. . . . . . . .

Currently, I have a second address here in Fatick. Write me, if you want. It's the office. Boo.
. . .

I also seem to have probably lost les Conventions Locales. The contact 'on the other end' wanted to put everything in a professional context, which was a little much. He didn't receive his little letter from World Vision, so he didn't oblige me with the names of contacts at the village level. So, I had my WV supervisor handle it. Except, I think it's too little too late given how much would need to be arranged in such a short period of time.

If that route falls through, I will spend the next week hopefully re-visiting the villages where RNA is being praticed. There's still a lot there I wasn't able to pick up on.
. . .

Actually, the only reason why I'm still sitting here is that I'm waiting to pay for the change to my e-ticket. But, I have to wait my turn.
The Air France system is horrible. Waaaaay too long of a wait for the customer. Craziness.
The song on their 'you wait here and do nothing' system is really annoying . . . Slow and boring ...
. . .

At any rate, I got a lot of things accomplished today. I'm looking forward to an evening of eating I don't know what. I wanted to cook something, but I won't have enough time, given it's 7:00 pm already, and I want to have some time to do nothing for a change.
. . .
Hey! I'm through! Making my changes to my flight now! Yaaa. I can go home soon!
. . .

I've also been able to deal with my house situation. My housemates have moved out today. But, another co-worker is coming tomorrow or the day after and taking the other two rooms. It's pretty neat, because I was a bit worried about having the money for this particular month. (just because there are things I've been willing to help out with that put me at a partial shortage for the time being . . .)

NEways, I've just got off the phone. I'm outta here.

22 minutes

2007-10-03T14:25:00.001-07:00

I should leave the American's house in Fatick by 9:30. That gives me 22 minutes. So, for my purposes, this 'hour' has 22 minutes. (sorry about the pathetic line just then)

It's Wednesday, and I came back from a short stint 'hovering above' the villages (didn't sleep in the village, and was in and out during these past two days)
Saw a project on Natural Regeneration that WV is starting up near Baba Garage. It's a neat project, despite it requiring a lot of external capital. All development projects appear to demand that, mind you.

I am encouraged, all the same, by some of the people that are working on it: Leopold Diouf and Rabiou Husseini. Rabiou was hired by WV and sent from Niger where they have implemented an impressive natural regeneration project. He is a neat little fellow, very passionate about what he's doing. I think his dynamism adds a huge element to the current success of the program.
. . .
Wanting to explore perceptions, however, still always ends up being an interesting process. Because it's hard to peel back the layers, to see what the real reasons are. Mind you, with all the repetition, I'm beginning to wonder how much is really there to peel back versus how much is simply, 'that's just what they honestly think'.
. . .
So, the purpose of my 'workshops' I think, will be to try to understand to what degree people actually value the trees and given that value, how they feel they might be able to come together to address the constraints that are there keeping them from protecting the trees. At any rate, there are a bunch of things I have to talk with my supervisor about.
. . .
Everything seems to be last minute here. Tomorrow is Thursday, and I will have to see whether things for les Conventions Locales have actually fallen into place. I called my contact the other day, and he told me that because he hadn't received a letter from WV that he wasn't going to give me the contact info. I told him that letter was supposed to have been sent. He told me that he hadn't received it and thus . . . So I called Mansour Fall, my WV supervisor and asked him to see what he could arrange . . . don't know where things stand. That gives me tomorrow and Friday, as well as Saturday and Sunday, to prepare for a stay in a village.
. . .
I realize that to get my work done, I've had to do a lot more of the logistics planning than I would have thought. This is empowering and time consuming, all at the same time. And because it takes time, it takes away from me being able to really figure out how to do my work effectively.
The on going challenge that I'm fully realizing now is that it is utterly about asking good questions, and clear questions. And anyone that knows me knows that I get convoluted, even when I don't want to be. Plus, this I'm trying to do this all in French and then it's being translated into Wolof or Serer . . .
. . .
Yesterday was one of the first times I told myself that I didn't really have to go home. Community is slowly building within the ex-pat community, and I'm slowly getting comfortable with people in some of the villages I've been apart of. I understand better now a lot of the reasons for the challenges of the first half of this internship. And the challenges haven't left; just, they've changed form.
. . .
We were in the market today, and I ended up ordering a 'thiya' to be made. Watch 'Aladdin' and look at his pants . . . that's right! Except, these are attached at the bottom. They're wicked cool to look at, and I'll for sure be looking to have a second pair made. These ones are white, so I'll only be able to wear it for special occassions (church or special parties and such).
. . .
I have a tonne of souvenirs, and I'm slowly trying to give away all of my stuff in my room. I need to make room for all the souvenirs . . .
. . .
NEwho, I need to be looking to head out. Write me if you get the chance, whoever wants to write me.

I have a lot of work to do over the next few days . . .
. . .
Oh, and on October 13 or 14 (2nd weekend from now), I'll be 'celebrating' Korité with a muslim family in Thiès. I was invited over by the family of the Peace Corps volunteer that I went to go visit last weekend. I plan on wearing my Thiya! It should be good times.
. . .
Oh, and if I am in the village on October 10, that'll be an entirely new experience for me also . . .
I'll have to find an evening when I can throw myself a party . . . 24. Jeez. I'll be old like the rest of you.
In fact, I'll be in a village, if that happens, for Jackie and Jolene's birthday's too! Craziness.
. . .
NEwho, I'm out!

About a life lesson

2007-09-27T09:47:00.000-07:00

Take time to do what you're doing. Do it well, to the best of your abilities.

The life lesson? . . .

Take time to stop doing what you're doing and THINK about what you've done. Reflect on what it means.

I never gave myself nor took that time. For whatever reason. Perhaps I thought I wasn't allowed. That I was supposed to know already.

Given my last post, I'm working hard to just let the past be the past and to learn from it. But, it's tough because I see leads now that I don't think I saw really before. Nor did I give myself the time to prepare adequately in order to pursue them even if I had.

A lesson learned in time.

I now strive to apply the lesson for the workshops and, hopefully, gain from that lesson.

Simplify

2007-09-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

For the next two months, let's say, for all my wonderings and all the issues of the past, and all the blogging I was going to post this weekend:

I will work hard to live in the present for the next two months. Not wallowing in the past or stressing about the future. Just a day by day, focused pursuit of clearer goals I've set for myself within a timeline that makes more sense than the one previous . . .

Reflections

2007-09-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

Shout outs to everyone back home. This is attempt number two of this message. We'll see if the internet doesn't get stupid on me.

I'm currently in between Joal Fadouith and Mbour. Just north of JF. At a hotel called Laguna Beach. Was here once before just before Christmas vac last year (when I was first here, b4 I got sick).

It's a cool place to be at, but the reason for my being here this time is slightly different. This time it's work and not vac.
An African Livelihoods Securities workshop. It's actually quite interesting. Has a lot to do with both my 'work' in the villages as well as the core mentality of my university undergrad. And actually, it's quite amazing that it's not a concept that has already been adopted. And, in fact, it's pretty interesting to hear some of the ideas and comments people have. I think to myself, what? really? you think that way? Or you think it's about that? hmmm.
(essentially, for once, in some ways, with some people, I feel like I have something to contribute)

All the same, World Vision is merely trying to bring itself to a point where it should already fully be but only exists in part. It's a gigantic organization, however, and so its movements are little sluggish . . . We're good at structure, but the structure sometimes inhibits agile movement . . .

. . .
I've been sick for over a week now. Not terribly so, but enough to screw around with my mood enough not to be terribly motivated last week in the village. Things went over relatively well, though, all things considered. In fact, I also ended up staying in the village till Saturday morning for a change (instead of leaving Friday morning or afternoon). This past Friday, too, was the start of Ramadan, so I took part in la jeûne (the daily fast). We woke up at 5:30 to eat some breakfast (the khad) and then I didn't eat or drink until 7 pm Friday. Meanwhile, I had been sick since Tuesday. But, I watched myself, and if it had been a problem (especially the not drinking part) I would have resumed eating and drinking. As it was, I survived, although I thoroughly enjoyed my Café Touba and bread at 7 pm.

. . .

There are a lot of things I've learned and accepted over the past number of weeks, as well as tried to move on from. I've realized and accepted a lot of the weakness and flaws of the approach that I designed. Running between villages every week and not giving myself time to talk and discuss and reflect on a village experience are probably the two major weaknesses. At times, I could say there's been a lack of support from certain staff, but really, it doesn't quite work out that way. At least, they can't be blamed. Everyone is entitled to their vacation, and I went into this internship knowing that everyone was going to take one. Really, what it boils down to is me not 'just figuring it out' as best as I think I should have. Whatever.
All the same, I guess it waits to be seen how WVC and WVS reacts to my report. There will be plenty to write about, in terms of the basic information learned, ideas explored, and the process undertaken. For all of these things, I'm thankful, and at the end of the day, I could care less whether it's 'good enough'.

Rather, what I would like to see out of myself is a narrowing focus towards that area of development that intrigues me, excites me, engages me, suits me the most. God is present everywhere. God's love can be shared everywhere, in different ways, and with whomever. What I'm only beginning to toy with in my mind is the idea that whether I'm here or home, 'evangelism' equals relationship and that, like all good relationships, they take time. Meaning, it won't be possible, I don't think, to simply 'throw gospel' in the short term and then walk away. Very truly, it will be an investment on my part. It will be relationship that takes time. The only reason why it hasn't had to be that (on some level) is because in every environment previous that I had found myself, it was always understood to be a short-term thing. Eventually, however, that won't be the case.

So, unless I want faith living to somehow be a job more than a side role I constantly play in my everyday living, then, ya, I'll need a job. And voilà! There's one staring me in the face.
. . .

Well, sort of. I'm still trying to figure out where exactly I fit in this mess called development. I think I'm beginning to like it, even if I don't necessarily all that is a part of my internship. The concept is exciting, and if I can figure out at least in part the work, then I think I'll be pretty energized by the whole thing.

On another note, I'm losing a lot of friends to friends. I know that there is now only a handful of us who are single amongst the larger group. I just learned of yet another hook up just this evening.

Hats off to you all. Sounds exciting. I think I'm realizing that my time will come once I figure out where I want to be, what I want to be doing. And God knows that unless that is there, some of that 'other stuff' doesn't necessarily make a lot of sense for me just now.

But man, YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!! ha ha ha

. . .

Don't forget to go out for coffee with me every now and again (if ever I'm in country)

. . .

So, I've been thinking lots about where in development I might want to be.

I've been thinking a bit about what circumstances need to be in place, what specific subjects I like, what I would need in order to survive, to make it work.

Some things I'm willing to admit:
1 Villages? Ya, no. At least, not for very long term. At least not totally by myself. Without knowing the local language. Without really getting my subject matter. Without letting myself just go with it versus judging myself to death.

2 I think I prefer being in an urban area all the same. Or within close proximity. It’ll be better for my health, given its risks. It’ll be better for access to services. Perhaps I’m just preferring to stay comfortable. That’s part of it. But part of it has to do with the things I believe I’ll find in the city that I’ll be able to relate to.

3 Food – it needs to be generally stable for me otherwise I go crazy

4 Resource management still interests me, because I think the protection of the environment is a pretty crucial aspect of global existence. However, to what extent that would require me to live in a village somewhat has me. If I can find a way to reconcile the city with NRM, then we might be good to go.

5 In light of that, I’m trying to take a look at Urban or Peri-Urban agriculture. On the fringes of a city, perhaps, yet still addressing food security issues. Who knows. That might be cool. Or perhaps there’s another subject entirely different. The idea of working overseas interests me; the idea of getting all caught up in a big gigantic organization doesn’t entirely, especially if it has to do with trying to use tools that for the moment I feel prevent me from really connecting with people. I dunno. I don’t believe in PRA quite yet, despite still knowing it’s what I need to do. I’m sure once I get it better, then I’ll be more open to the approaches.

Newho, the next time I write, I’ll try to give a sense of some things I’ve seen or cool culturally things. We’ll see.

Good to chat with some of you tonight, despite the constant loss of WIFI connection. Alas, such is the way it goes sometimes here.

I'm leaking!

2007-09-18T03:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening, I posted a wonderful post. It was really great.

And then the power went out, the page froze, I kept on writing, and when I went to post it . . .

I have about 1/7th of what I wrote, and I'll build on it later.

Right now, I'm in the middle of an African Livelihoods Securities workshop.

Just, I wanted to let those who shouldn't be interested that I'm ill of either diarrhea or, as I'm beginning to wonder, Dysentery (a more severe form).

I just seem to be leaking fluids like crazy, and it's been virtually impossible to stop. So, it's an interesting experience.

All the same, I'm in a very comfortable environment at this hotel, and I'm also feeling far less tired today than I did tomorrow (although I wonder why, given my garuanteed loss of water and nutrients as a result of my illness . . .)

Whatever. We'll see. Overall, I'm fine. But, thought I should post on the fact that I can finally say I'm problematically ill (but only for the first time since being here . . . )

The American mission

2007-09-07T15:54:00.000-07:00

10,000 CFA/night and I have me an apartment all to myself. Hmmm.

Rigged with a giant freezer, a huge fridge, 4 burner stove, microwave . . . microwave?!?, fully loaded rest of the kitchen, couch, TV, movies, games, books . . . wireless . . . man oh man. AC in the master bedroom. (there are 3 rooms here, with a total of I think 8 beds . . .). I am one man. hmm. I'll keep this in mind if ever my friends decide to visit me in Dakar . . . (you're all welcome. There's the 20 - 27 of October, for instance, when my sister plans on coming. Any one of you is welcome . . .

I've come home to Canada. Except, I'm smack in the middle of Dakar.

Oh, and how could I forget!?!: coffee maker, coffee, and the filters . . . ha ha ha. Jeez. I'm going to wake up pretty happy tomorrow morning.

For 20 USD a night.
Man.
I guess I'm not complaining.
. . .

Wireless. I can't get over that. I'm sitting in the kitchen, listening to Collective Soul playing on my computer.
. . .
Work has taken on so many unique dimensions. For better or for worse. In the sense of showing what I prefer or what I can handle.

I have 11 weeks left in Senegal. Already now, I'm telling you, this second half will go by much, much faster than the first 12 weeks, and especially much faster than the first 6. Mind you, the past 7 weeks, all in all, have flown by. I'm not sure how I'm going to get doing what I want to get done in only 11 weeks. There's a lot of ground to cover, but it's actually exciting because I can finally say that for the most part I at least know what I want to be doing. Whether I do it well or not is another matter, but it's less about that now and more about simply working at something, to become better at something. To learn.

By weeks, it looks like the follow:
Silane (village)
Dakar (week long conference)
Fatick (1 week of planning to make sure the next 8 happen well)
Two villages of other organizations - 2 weeks. Studying 'les Conventions Locales'
Fatick (1 week to plan the workshops)
Joal Fadiouth and the happy arrival of my sister . . . yaaaaa! Party time!
Village level workshops - 4 weeks
That's 11.
That's it.
I have 11 weeks left, and only 7 weeks left in the villages . . . hmmm.
. . .

Crystal posted that I forgot about the happy 2 hour discussion I had with her and John during my vacation. This would be true. It was a great conversation. I am glad for it.
. . .
What would be my goals for the next 11 weeks?
To not hold myself back much longer. I don't want too much more to regret.
I'm glad to be learning though, to be moving beyond my concerns.
It helps being more often in the city and more clear about what I'm doing with my work.
. . .
So, I'm not sure what to write, actually, at the moment.
. . . Stories from my vacation . . .

Anna and I 'dropped' our bikes once. We were going along just fine in the dark with 2 metres of illumination in front of us. So what that we couldn't see a darn thing. And then, whoops, down I went. The road was one level; the gravel pathway another. As much as I could totally see what was in front of me . . . (you had to be there).
So, down I went, and I'm thinking, 'Get up!!! You're gonna get run over. Plus you're spilling gas everywhere. My precious gasoline. I paid $1.20 for that! So, scrambling up I went. And over to the side in order to avoid getting smacked by Anna or by a car behind us. But Anna had gone over right after me too. So, whatever. And there weren't any cars, just my adreline pumping and myself laughing because the whole thing just brought back memories of 5 years ago in Florida . . . ah, once a dropper, always one, I guess!
. . .

Well, my friend William is arriving in a short few. It's funny. He and I are gonna have a fun time tonight (even though it's already 11:30!)
. . .
I'm out (listening to "Counting the Days" by Collective Soul)
. . .

Oh, and by the way:
Jolene: I've got your souvenir.
Crystal: your too
John: working on it although you and I have already talked a bit about things . . . smoke a little, you know . . . ha ha ha
Jozina: you'll get yours when you arrive.
Micah, Jordan, and the rest of the fam, I have ideas in mind.
The rest of you, I'm still trying to sort out. There's lots to go around. I'm just going to have to figure out how to bring it all home.

Luke 18: 18 - 30

2007-09-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've always had lots of thoughts on this passage. I won't be sharing many of them with you here, mind you. Just whatever happens to come off my fingers.

Still, the verse about being willing to give up mother, father, sisters, brothers, friends, it's a pretty key idea in my mind. Despite all of my past posts, don't get me wrong. I still don't believe I've ever lost my friends or my family. Just, I haven't found too much here to replace them during the time I've been away. Or at least, maybe it's that I haven't found something deep enough to fulfill my social preferences. And again too, a lot of that has been my own doing.

Regardless, that's not the point. The point is, I will eventually come to understand that I don't think I can live for my friends or my family. None of them will be around forever. Sure, here and there, and perhaps if I stay local, more often 'here' than 'there'. But perhaps we're talking a matter of degrees? A matter of a 50 times per year versus 2. I guess with some friends it's more like 365 times versus 2, but really.

I didn't go to Montreal to study at McGill 5 years ago for some of the same fears that make me want to not get into this line of work. But, I think I need to start believing that no matter what happens, they'll always be around. Somewhere. Sometimes.

I would say then that a bunch of this has more to do with being willing to move on than anything else. The other part of it still remains, however, a matter of call and interest.
. . .
I thought a bunch more about the notion of 'calling'. I wonder who invented it. Where exactly does it come from? And why do we feel we're entitled to it? Here's what I mean: Do we think we're called to something or merely within wherever we are? Absolutely, people are called to something. I agree. But just who exactly? It seems sort of a luxury to have the option to be 'called' to something instead of just finding yourself stuck somewhere and having to make do with how things are.

That perspective comes from being here. From noticing, realizing, admitting that soooo many people in the world, it seems, don't really have an option to be 'called' somewhere. Again, it strikes me that it's more likely they be called 'within' versus called 'to'.

I am, however, grateful for those who use their freedom to choose to listen to how they might be being called. Whether it's a notion applied only to a very small number of people, and perhaps people who have a choice more than others, I'm glad there are those that think about it. (and I don't mean to make this sound like I'm being a good boy - certainly, I've wondered about why it is that I even am entitled to the choice of 'being called'. Why is it that I wasn't born anywhere else where life = Day 1: get up, pound the millet, collect the firewood, cook breakfast. Eat it. Wash clothes. Sift the rice, descale the fish, chop the vegetables, cook lunch. Eat it. Rest (perhaps). Pound the millet. Cook the sauce. Prepare dinner. Eat it. Clean up. etc. Sleep. Day 2 - 7: Repeat Day 1.

I'm glad this isn't my life, and I'm very glad that those to whom this life belongs are still able to find joy in it wherever. But ya, it's just stuff to think about.

So that's calling.
. . .
Interest exists in freedom as well. Because you actually had the choice to study X, you had the choice and time to find said internship. You have the time to still choose according to your interests, your passions.

I am grateful for that freedom, but again wonder why it is I have it and to what degree I'm using it wisely.
. . .

At the end of the day, because of rest during this vacation, because of a renewed sense of direction and a lesser focus on 'success', and because of continued processings, I'm beginning to want something: to put my head down, to shut up, and to get to work. I'm still not sure how long the drive will last if there is never the true development of depth of friendship. But in this too, I need to look more to God, less to myself, more to other potential friendships, and less to those friends back home. Absolutely, I will keep on calling home because I love to.

But you're not here, nor will you be, so I need to move on . . .

. . .
To those who have read this far:
I realize I write too much about how I feel and not enough about what I've been doing. I'll try to make the blog a little more interesting in the future weeks!

What I've been up to for the past week:

Overall, Saint Louis has been fabulous. Not without its cost, but I intended on it to be that way in order to step away from the stress, the frustration, the 'aaaahhh' of what work has been for a long time. It has moved away from that in the past number of weeks, which has been great. But I was certainly glad to have the option of leaving everything behind for the past 5 days.

I arrived in Saint Louis with Anna towards 10 pm. I spent 7 hours traveling between Fatick - Dakar, Dakar - Saint Louis. Most of it was pretty comfortable, though. I bought out 3 seats on the way to Dakar so I had plenty of space and comfort, and I was chilling with Anna on the 4 hour, stiff-body ride up to Saint Louis. So it was good.

The hotel: Need to send pictures. Spent a good chunk of change, but for the comfortable beds, air-conditioning, nice pool, and isolated location, it was well worth it.

The city: once I realized it, Saint Louis was beautiful. At first not, but I eventually found parts of it (again, still largely tourist areas) that I really enjoyed. Mostly because it reminded me a lot of Paris. Namely, I was just content to drink expressos and go to the boulangerie. Fresh baked goodies and coffee! Can't be beat.
. . .
Saturday: Anna and I rented scooters. A real hoot. 22 hours. 12 USD. Not bad. We ended up going to Zebrabar (either ZEEbrabar or Zeb brabar, depending on nationality. I never knew the English call it a zebra with a soft 'e'. So ya, we drove out to there, chilled out on a look out tower for a bit, then rode back. And this was after we toured the city for a while on the bikes.

Sunday: chilled out. Anna left by 4ish. I eventually went into town for just a bit.
Monday: This was a hotel day. I spent about 6 - 7 hours merely reading Le Monde (french newspaper - finally! Daily news from outside Fatick!) and my "Poisonwood Bible". 543 pages is now come and gone, although I didn't read all that just this week. Just about 200 pages of it. It's a great book. I recommend it. Monday night went into town. Took in the sites a bit. Found a cool restaurant. Ate some good food. Wandering around the island was a bunch of fun. Listened to my MP3 player. Did whatever. Made plans for Tuesday.
Tuesday: Was pretty fun. Lots went on. In the morning, took my time, chilled out at breakfast at the boulangerie. Then I rented a motocyclette again. This time, on going back to Zebrabar, I diverted and went to the Parc Nationale de la Langue de Barbarie. Although totally not the season for it, I went to see the birds (something that Saint Louis is popular for, along with an international Jazz festival - happens in May though, unfortunately. That would have been awesome). Took a pirogue (a Senegalese boat) and went to go see the birds. Paid for a guide who was the President of the Communauté Locale responsible for the management of the national park. Along with a union of villages, these people clean up the park, take care of it, try to improve its image to tourists and also continue to live off of it (because it's where they live!). It was fantastic to see, and I applaud their efforts. The beach was noticeably more clean than that of beside the hotel where I'm staying.
(coastal beaches can often become the public toilet. Sad, perhaps, but true and necessary at times)
Guide, ride on pirogue, rented scooter (24 hrs), and entrance to park: 25 USD.

All in all, it was a fantastic day. Then the scooter got a flat, and I was way outside the city. 1 1/2 hrs later of walking, I took the other scooter the guy rents and used that instead until 11 am this morning.
. . .
Wed: this morning. Met up with Théo, a guy from France near the Switzerland border. Hung out with him for a bit (I had met up with him by chance yesterday). Talked about what we were respectively doing in Senegal. He on vacation had spent 1 month in the villages and 1 month outside them. I, well, I've been running around all over the place for the past 3 months, still have 3 months left, and am looking forward to seeing how it all pans out.
(plus, did I mention my sister's coming in 7 weeks? And my birthday's in 5?)

There is a crazy religious festival going on right now, and I would have left earlier today, but I didn't think anyone would really be leaving until after the prayers that have just happened (5 oclockish). The major bridge to the mainland has also been closed from 12 - 5 today as well. I'm just hoping that there will be some people going to Dakar in just a short little while.

But this morning I haggled for about 15 minutes over 10 cents and about 20 minutes for about $8 USD. Just, things have their relative price, and I no longer enjoy being taken. They were both fun things to do, and now I have one crazy pair of pants to show everyone. You want to talk about colour? The BiFall, a religious brotherhood of Islam here in Senegal, they wear crazy stuff. I'll have to show you guys some pictures (or point it out in the pics I took since none of them are too direct).

NEwho, so that's been my vacation. It's been great, and tonight, tomorrow, and part of Friday, I hope to be in Dakar. I'm back to work on Friday, debating attendance on Saturday to an intensely religious Islamic revéillée (or however that's spelled) that I was invited to, and then Sunday, I hope will be a last day of rest before running headlong into the next few weeks.

But there's both focus and variation in the upcoming month or so. We'll see how it all turns out. There's a lot of work to be done . . .

Hope you're all enjoying the fresh September air. Wish I were. I'm looking forward to the December shock that will be mine in about 3 months!

. . . when you're too in love to let it go, but if you never try you never know just what you're worth

2007-09-03T16:46:00.000-07:00

When you break it down, besides all of the cultural stuff that I've had to work through, essentially, I'm realizing I'm (too?) in love with my culture, with my home. (that's odd, I never would have thought it to run so deeply, despite my love for a lot of things of my country)

I like to strike it out on my own, but I don't love it.
I love doing things on my own, but only for a time.
I love learning about a new culture, but only when I can keep at least something of my own.

See, I believe that I've had a lot to work through simply because I've never seen this time away as merely 6 months. Sure, that's what it is. Absolutely.

But it's not too. Because if I'm all about what I'm doing, it's what I will be doing. For a lot longer period of time.

My deepest blessing has become my greatest need and my hardest curse to break.
My community.

Composed of family and friends.
Knitted together by the familiar, by culture, by comfortable religious context.

The things is, my friends are slowly spreading themselves over the face of the earth. I am part of this process as well.
And community can be reformed and refound elsewhere.

God is everywhere (although here, that is hard to feel sometimes given the spiritual forces at work in this country).

Except, I have to be willing to do those things. To let go of my friends (in part, but never fully), to re-create community with people I don't know, to pray the presence of God into my experience here in Senegal.

Thus my time here, my work wherever, is all about calling.
This is why I was called here in the first place. To find my calling.
What people am I called to serve? My own? Or elsewhere?

. . .

I certainly haven't been terribly excited about dealing with a lot of the people in this culture. When I'm outside the villages (and even within them), it's pretty extractive. Demanding. It has everything to do with negotiation. Negotiation in order to survive.

What's hard for me is that I've never had to negotiate in order to survive. Life has simply been provided for. So when others do this with me, I get frustrated. It's interesting to think about, but pretty frustrating to deal with all the time.

I take it too personally, and yet then it's up to you not to say no too rudely. So, I dunno. I'm getting to a point sometimes where I just don't care. Words need to bounce off of me and execute themselves on the pavement. On the dirt roads. Otherwise, I might take it personally.

. . .

There are facinating Serere and Wolof cultures, amongst many others. Senegal is such a richly diverse country of many cultures.
In the villages, when and where relationships have slowly, subtly formed, I have begun to believe that perhaps all this is possible. That I might slowly find my place in it all.

But, ultimately, that question still remains. Is it the culture I am meant to speak to? Does my 'call' change my own perception, my own behaviour, my own attitude? Should it? Why does the 'call' make any difference anyways?

I am only hoping that God leads me to that place where my strengths are strong, my weaknesses weak, my efforts full, my energy hard to contain.

We're still working on it. I'm okay with that. I'm not making any fully formed decisions until later.

We're halfway through the process. It's been difficult; but it's been really good too. It keeps on going.

And so will my thoughts and my comments.

. . .

. . .

. . .

'Tears stream down your face when you lose something you can not replace . . . Tears stream down your face. I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream down your face now.
. . .
Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.'

. . .

Thoughts and thanks

2007-09-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

You know, so many of my blogs have a sort of negative spin on them. I guess so, at least.

So, this time, I'll try to relay some generally positive ideas, things to be thankful for.

1) I'm glad for a friend such as Anna who has been going through very similar things as me concerning her work and all the responsibilities, expectations revolving around it. She and I spent a lot of time hanging out this weekend in Saint Louis, and we had a number of really great chats.
2) I'm thankful for my week of vacation. Saint Louis is a beautiful city generally speaking. Lots of colour, some pretty decent people. A few things to do. Just as much, however, I am enjoying the hotel that I'm staying at. Depending on how long I live in this room tonight (I'm in the 'Biblioteque (that's not spelled correctly . . .) and they have an internet connection) I will post pictures.
3) I' m currently waiting for those pictures to post. The mosquitos, however, are terrible at the moment. I just spent 2 hours talking with friends. Waiting for my family to call. I am thankful for them all. Not thankful for the mosquitos.
4) Work has focus. Who knows exactly how it'll go, but it does have focus.
5) I have a great opportunity to process what it is I think I'm supposed to be doing with myself in doing this work. The internship is great for this. As I tell everyone, I won't really make a decision until I have all of my information in, until I've done the internship till the end and can make an end of term evaluation.
6) I'm thankful for really great books to read. Check out the Poisonwood Bible. Pretty interesting book, at least for those who have some 'development' or intercultural experience.
7) I'm thankful for movies that parents sent, and that I downloaded off the American family's computer.
8) I'm thankful for some random, good conversations with people on the street, even if they end up being for ulterior motives. Not always thankful, but yes, sometimes.
9) I'm thankful for my health, both in terms of avoiding malaria and other weird diseases up until present, but also health for my head till present. I haven't really had much in the way of headaches for the past 1 1/2 months or so, and it's great to be able to focus on my work instead of my head.
10) I'm really thankful for my music. My MP3 player is such an awesome instrument. It can turn alone time into really enjoyable moments to remember. I had a reminder of that while listening to my player today for a little while while walking around Saint Louis.
11) I'm thankful for little devotional booklets: The Today booklet has given me at least a brief starting point for devos at times, and I can hear the voice of my pastor through the daily write ups he wrote for the month of July. So, really good to have that.
12) I'm thankful for rest, and wisdom taught on how to integrate that rest, in the book of "The Rest of God". Really puts perspective on work vs rest.

Lastly, I'm thankful for your prayers. Thank you for your continual support. I don't hear it as much as I feel it (although I certainly hear it when I talk with good friends and family for hours on Skype!).

That's all for now, cause I gotta get away from the mosquitos (for which, I will too be thankful!)
Blessings

Comments on the day

2007-08-24T11:57:00.001-07:00

For those who read it, you'll notice the last post 'Grrr' was deleted.

It was written during a time of too much stress.

Not completely inaccurate, but not exactly a useful post. You'd all freak out.

In reference to it:
Today was odd. I feel all at once unsure of what to do but also aware of a number of threads to look at.
Most of my stress today comes from judging where I'm at right now.
I deem the first 4 - 5 weeks as a really frustrating, unproductive, messed up period of time.
But the last 4 -5 weeks have been really interesting.

Just, where does that leave me?
On what foundation do I build the remaining 3 months?

I do have direction, and I do have purpose.
I just don't necessarily feel I have good context (because of the unproductivity of the first 5 weeks, the times spent in the villages). And thus, with a lack of context, sort of a lack of justification for narrowing the focus to what I have: agro-forestry, tree management, and the natural regeneration of trees.

Mind you, perhaps again I'm being too hard on myself.
But at the same time, I will still say I would have expected better of myself.

I've realized, though, that 'manipulating' people to get information, if you will, is a lot harder than 'manipulating' electronic journals and other online documents. You only need to read the latter whereas the former you have to really know what you're looking for or you won't receive it.
Plus there's all the investment stuff, the side of it all where they really do deserve to know that you care about who they are before they tell you anything remotely of the truth.
So, it's understandable.

There are three things I'm focusing in on right now (and that still makes it hard):
1) Discussions on the worthiness of leaving trees alone in farm fields (essentially a preliminary form of agro-forestry, sort of)

2) Research into understanding the meaning of les Conventions Locales and other projects relating to natural resource management and governance

3) And related to this second point, trying to network with a few of these organizations to see if there is reason for World Vision to try to replicate the process or to see if some form of partnership can exist between them. Or perhaps, merely to learn of the experiences that these organizations have had.

It can make for a busy schedule, and yes, I haven't really figured out yet how to do it all or what will be appropriate use of my time.

I'll have to talk with my mentor about that.

So, that's where I'm at.

Today was frustrating, I couldn't think through things very well despite myself, but at the end of the day, this is where I am.

Next week, I'll take further steps forward.

And then 1 week of vacation. I'm looking forward to it . . .

Purpose

2007-08-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

As I've begun talking with other organizations here in Dakar, I've realized that at least the concept behind my work is really important. No one's really doing it.

What is it?

Listening.

And what is my work mostly about?

Questioning.
And listening . . .

And oh I'm so very good at that, in English, back home, let alone in French and in another context. Ha ha ha ha.

How ironic.

But really, at the end of the day, at the end of my work, evaluating my time here will have a lot to do with how well I listened to God, to myself, and to others.

The major question that remains is how deep I can go in listening. How much will people be willing to tell me.

How do I get them to?
And that's still the hard part for me. How to facilitate it so we get beyond the surface.

Honestly, I'm all ears. Just tell me.
(I wish it were that easy)

Do you want to know where your donor money goes?
Investing in people like me who are learning how to listen. So that through that process, I (we) might help organizations like WV do more effective work.

More importantly, by listening to people, we might come along side them, care for them, and most importantly, empower them to help themselves.
. . .

I went to a meeting today with the Centre de Suivi Ecologique. They implemented a project on natural resource management and governance (at the heart of governance is empowerment). In my opinion, although designed superbly, it also still missed the boat.

Two major weaknesses:
1 Implementing a project that requires inputs people don't have. (so how will it be continued after they're gone? And, how will it be replicated?)
2 They didn't really listen to the people.
They did, very well, even.
But yet, they didn't.
Because I don't think they ever got to the point of asking, 'Once we leave, once nothing is left to support you, do you care about what we've done, what you've done?'
And if not, why not?

. . .
So we return to my work: exploring people's perceptions, behaviours, and attitudes towards the environment.

What are yours?
And how do we expect the poor to think more highly of the environment than we do back home.
Yet again, they should more so than us because they depend more immediately on it.
Hmmm.

Such an interestingly difficult issue to explore for me.
. . .
So, it's clear, but it's not.
It's a work in progress.
It's a becoming.
. . .
I'm going to spend all tomorrow trying to think about how I can engage people in constructive conversation.

And then I'm off to the beach for the weekend with some of the youth from the Roman Catholic church in Fatick. It should be an interesting weekend.
. . .
And then vacation!!!
I'm going to Saint Louis, right at the Mauritanian border. I'm gonna look into crossing into Mauritania. Maybe do a touristy desert trek . . .

. . .

NEwho, it's 8 pm, and I have a dinner meeting at 8:30. So, I gotta jet.

Hope you're all well back home.

Pray for inspiration to lead innovative discussions.
Pray for the well-being of the villagers.
Pray that God would raise up people to listen to them.
(me? I'm still trying to figure that out . . .!)

Responsibility and Calling

2007-08-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

I think a lot. When you're by yourself, and if you're me, you think a lot. Don't be too concerned. These are just thoughts. There are feelings behind some of them, especially those thoughts that talk of being annoyed at people. But, they are thoughts, and I've been enjoying myself all the same in Senegal for the last number of weeks especially. You just have the privilege of reading my thoughts. If that interests you. If you think it's a worthy consideration to ponder on.

I thought a bunch this morning about my responsibilities and my call as a Christian here in Dakar, here in Fatick, here in the villages. Here in Senegal. Here I am (send me . . .)

But when you ask me for 'cadeaux' all the time, ask me for gifts, for money, for 'friendship', for phone numbers, addresses, help to get a visa, help to get to Canada. Help to marry your daughter or take your child back to Canada. When you ask me for these things, when, essentially, you demand these things from me, I'm left usually no longer caring.

It's such an odd situation. Such a disappointing or confusing reaction. I wouldn't have wanted it to be that way. In fact, I'm still trying to find niches where I can give in the absence of annoyance. Where I can give in such a way that I feel like I've wanted to give, and not felt obliged to do so.

I enjoy giving, if only people didn't expect it I guess.
Actually, I'd be content being ignorant of their expectations and just assume that they don't see it coming. Just don't ask me for something.
. . .
University taught me to idealize. University is about fresh ideas, innovative thinking, and far-flung hopes and aspirations that mean nothing unless the same people that have them actually live them out. I wonder how many do. Too few, I think.

In my living it out, I don't always feel as excited about giving myself up to people as I would have thought I would have wanted to. Because it's no longer that I would do it out of interest, but rather, out of feeling obligated, feeling greedy, of clenching my fist, keeping tabs on my money, my wallet, my MP3 player, my cellphone.

And yet, always, on some level, they're right. Sort of. And why is it that the one with means says that it shouldn't be about the means. What is that? Aren't we the hypocrites then?

Why do I get to judge who I give a meager portion of my means to. How much do I own what I possess. Would it be God's intention that I ever came to look at my means in this way?
. . .

"If as followers of Jesus we understood our "being blessed" not as a circumstance to be 'thankful' for but rather as a tool to be used to bless others, we would capture the spirit inherent in our call."

? What does that mean? How far do you take that? (what did Jesus do? sorry about the cliché, but I wonder about it)

Sandals, a tunic, and yet he was home in his own culture, no? (and he could make food if ever he wanted it . . . (yes, not exactly, but do you get somewhat my point?) )

Do you become a hypocrite where words and aspirations don't line up with living feelings and real life?

Or who is only now finally coming to terms with a passion to use means for what they are - means to an end and not the end itself. Coming to terms that that passion has existed only in theory till now. Now it's a passion that can breathe.
. . .

Those grimy, greasy little kids running around barefoot at gas stations, asking for money, which they end up only giving to their spiritual leader anyways.

The barefooted boys who chase geckos along the wall and when they catch them, smash them to pieces.

Those in wheelchairs, waiting outside the bank, hoping you'll give them money when you come away from withdrawing an amount of money that is nothing to us but far too much money for them.

Those in the villages with whom I work, they are the women and children and men of the degraded fields of Senegal.
. . .

Isn't it just too easy for us to say no to people who ask. To people who pester and demand. And yet, but where do you draw the line.

I say no.
Because when you ask me, when you demand it of me, when you expect it, I no longer want to care.

I just wonder whether I should care.
. . .

It's not so much about the money as much as it is about the attitude. I have white skin, therefore you will talk to me first.
And the realization that the 100 CFA (20 cents) or 500 CFA ($1) won't change your life one bit.

. . .
At the moment, I would rather invest in your empowerment than care about your daily demand. I would rather you learn to fish than for me to give you one.

Cause then you'll never stop asking.
Worse still, you'll do nothing and just expect something.
. . .
I think human poverty has degraded the human spirit the greatest when it has brought someone to the point where they no longer believe in themselves.

And ironically, in my opinion, giving can sometimes fuel that degradation of spirit.
. . .
Give carefully.
Give wisely.
Give prayerfully.
Only in this very moment have I realized that giving will be much richer if ever it should become not an act of self but a reaction to Spirit moving in self, prompting one to give.
. . .

It's time to go home. I've thought enough.
And most of you are possibly lost.
So might I be.
Feel free, if you find your way, to write a comment or two!

Balance

2007-08-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

I think things are finally coming to.

I say that in light of knowing that I won't be spending more than 1 consecutive week (or two) in the villages for the next month or so.

You could say I'm wimping out a bit, perhaps, but frankly, I'm glad for the mix of ideas swirling around. As the title suggests, it creates a slightly better balance.

It has quite a bit to do with space to think more intentionally about what I'm doing in the villages now though. With going into the villages the second time, and with having a better sense of where all of this is going for the next little while, I'm trying to make sure that the time I spend there is more focused, more directed towards something specific.

In hindsight, I would have loved to have this perspective earlier, but part of me also believes that that really wouldn't have been possible. In fact, even with the 'focused' discussions I'm having, I feel like sometimes they're a little fabricated. As though I'm touching on a subject that interests me without knowing whether or not or to what extent it even interests the people I'm talking to. I guess perhaps that's part of it. But, in terms of 'development', it seems to be a bit forced. A bit fabricated.

Still, I'm glad for the focus. I'm glad for the interesting points and reasons people have made and given.
. . .
This coming week, I'm in Dakar. I need to figure out how to direct conversations in these cases as well. To take advantage of the scarce time I have with people. But again, at least there seems to be a focus I'm starting to take.
. . .
After that, I'll be in another village for another week. Then vacation for 1 week. Then the last village. Then a workshop, again in Dakar. (I love Dakar, and I'm glad to be able to go there).
. . .
There is great wisdom expressed to me by my supervisor when explaining to me that it is more helpful for development money to be spent on training people to train others than it is to simply give people something. It's all about empowerment, and that, truly, is what development should be all about. Still, I think there's room for improvement when it comes to efficiency to get to that point where people are being empowered . . .
. . .

This week had a number of challenges. People were working in their fields. There was the weekly market Thursday, and a Thursday afternoon football match (that took away my translator for that block of time). Monday's conversation was a flop. Tuesday morning I arranged Wednesday's meetings. Tuesday night, no one showed up. Wednesday morning, I had a good conversation with some women. Wednesday night, none of the young men I had wanted to talk to were around because they had all gone to the August 15, Assumption (Ascension) celebrations in Fatick. Thursday morning was a good conversation with the men. Thursday afternoon, a weaker one because the translation wasn't as helpful as it usually is. Certainly, I need to be helped along in my work at times by the translator, and since they were all at football, the young boy that helped me did an excellent job all things considered. Certainly, it shows that I have much to learn about asking good questions. Friday morning was a decent conversation with a group of women. And that's it.

In between those conversations, I did a bunch of weed-picking in the fields, walking around, hanging out, talking with people, eating rice, eating couscous, eating couscous. But, there was a bit of variation in evening meals, so I survived a week. That was nice. But, I'll tell you, I get tired of the food, mostly, even after only 1 week. I wonder what that means.
. . .

But ya, I'll have to say that despite the challenges, it was a really good week, if only because I was asking a set group of questions, and simply probing. I was also on some level, calling people's bluffs (at least, as I see them). This might not be correct, but frankly, it's useful sometimes if you want to get at heart of the mater of something.
. . .

At any rate, I'm going to go swimming in Dakar tomorrow, hopefully play some tennis, and work on a summary document of les Conventions Locales so that that is ready for a meeting I have in Dakar some time this week with IED. While the date is not determined, I'm sure it'll happen. I've learned the value of using my cell phone to bug people. Otherwise, nothing ever happens.
. . .

And oh how I'm so glad that my cell phone works in the villages.
. . .

NEWho, it's 8 pm. I have to leave the office now. I just finished my 8 page report on the week. Now off to dinner.
. . .
God has been gracious.
But keep on praying!
Especially for the villagers. And that the conversations I have with them will be insightful.

My Canadian gift parcels

2007-08-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

They both arrived. Both.

Both about 7 - 10 days after they were sent from Canada.

Dec 18 and July 11
Dec 28 and July 19.

Today is August 10.

I was never told.
World Vision never received notice.
You do the math.
. . .

All the food out of the first parcel was completely gone, save for most of the packets of gum, and, surprisingly, the chocolate sprinkles . . . ha ha ha, they took everything, but left the chocolate sprinkles (and by they, I mean the rats or mice).

So whoo hoo, I have choc sprinkles to munch on.
. . .
The second parcel was untouched. Everything still there. Awesome.
. . .

Only now, I have a tonne of sugar to charge through. And a whack of Canadian souvenirs to give away. Not exactly sure how to do this because the villages are 'greedy' for presents. Always asking for them. Makes me not want to give them anything even while I want to give them everything.
. . .
Developing country systems, I've learned, are developing.
i.e. unreliable.
i.e. do it yourself (a recurring theme it seems since WV staff were supposed to receive these parcels and then send them to me. And even today, a WV driver was supposed to take care of it. And then they didn't)
i.e. the internship will be what I make it. I carry the responsibility. And the fall out (positive or negative if there is any).

In this case, I'm glad I took care of things myself. The person that was supposed to have gone today would have blindly paid the $40 USD they were asking me to pay for the destroyed December parcel. I was incensed. I only paid about $15 USD for the two packets combined.

In reality, I shouldn't have paid at all, because even the second parcel was there since July 19 (3 weeks ago), and no one was informed.
. . .

NEwho, they've arrived, I'm glad, although unsure what to do with all of it now.
. . .
I'll just know for next time to go there directly about 10 days after anything is sent, confirmation numbers in hand.
. . .
Unbelievable.
I have to get to work.

Structure and Uncertainty

2007-08-09T15:42:00.000-07:00

Structure took away my freedoms. It's still the very thing that helps me survive, and in most ways is still required. But, the foundations of structure are sometimes giving way to Uncertainty.

Everything is changing, really, and since the structure of the first bit of this internship didn't prove to be too healthy (too much rigidity in what I was 'supposed' to do and not enough time to think), I'm just trying to give things over to change.
. . .

November is pretty much a go. So, I'll be here until the end of November instead of the end of October. It breathes life and freedom into the internship.
. . .
I will forever be trying to figure out what to talk about, but perhaps more accurately, how to talk about what it is I want to.
. . .
I'm wanting to believe (waiting to see whether I'll dare) that networking and doing life is more important than output when it comes to the village visits. I'm still not sure how to do both at the same time . . .
. . .
And I want to learn the language.
And the history and culture of the people through readings as well as conversations.
So much to talk about, so little time, and often the tongue isn't present (no translator = no translation) (thus the desire to learn the language)
. . .
My schedule keeps on changing. I was supposed to go to the villages for the next number of weeks. I didn't go this week, will probably go next, and then I'll have to be in Dakar again for at least some time to connect with someone from the IDRC. And he's only around until the end of August. And then October. So, I have to sufficiently connect with him before the end.

So when and how do I go to the villages?
. . .
I think I'm slowly learning how to make decisions. Maybe it's being forced out of me, but it's also really neat feeling like I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing how much better it is if I make decisions.
Mind you, I still do have to talk about it with people who can advise me. Experience is important to tap in to. I don't always know what to do. (often, even). Just, it's coming along.

As the line goes, the internship will be what I make it.

And as a great friend tells me, you can do anything you want. Just make sure you can justify it. There'd better be a good reason for it.

Looking back, there were some 'decisions' made that didn't have a tonne of fore thought. Life is for learning. I hope that that keeps on happening here, however that happens.

I have to remember to give myself time to breathe through the process.

I can go at my own rate, in my own way. I'll let everyone else decide whether it's 'good enough'.

Whatever. There's lots going on. I want to figure it all out, especially since there isn't one right way to do things. I have to carve out my own route.

Off to bed. It's late, although it's been nice to post in the comfort of my hotel room for a change . . .

Pray for the villages still.
Pray that I would engage people naturally. Steering conversations here and there towards the environment, perhaps. Or maybe doing something more formal. Just, that the conversations would be good, would be engaging, would be natural.

And I'll keep praying too

Dakar

2007-08-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

I have a map now of the city. Doesn't show everything, but it shows enough.

It'll help to locate a few things, but the image is starting to build in my mind.

Although dirty, and far less extravagant, not surprisingly, it reminds me of Paris.

I'm just looking forward to taking advantage of its beaches (hopefully this weekend).

I might check out the Olympic pool too.

At any rate, I'm realizing there's a bunch to discover in this city (even while there might not be a tonne to do). It makes things interesting, at least.

Thanks to those (Alex and Paul) who started the heartbeat in me . . .

Getting to Mbamane (and everywhere else for the next three weeks)

2007-08-06T11:03:00.000-07:00

Tricky tricky. I'll do what I can. I'll work as best I can within the limitations of my work.

I knew this would happen, and I don't really want it to be an excuse for inaction or non-accomplishment. Just, I'm tired of judging myself, so I'm trying to stop. Just trying to try. I think that's all I should have to expect of myself.

The driver left to go to Thiès today. So, I couldn't go to Mbamane. I didn't mind entirely, except that in principle, I know it'll cause problems. Because while the driver is supposed to come tomorrow around 9 or 10, it probably won't arrive until the afternoon. Which means I'll have about 1 1/2 days to do some work in the village. I have to try to leave the village on Thursday mid-morning at the latest because I have to return to Dakar in time for Friday's workshop.

I'm totally okay with that limitation, because I'm beginning to believe it's not just about these village visits that will provide me with a comprehensive understanding of 'perceptions and behaviours'. Just as importantly, I need to network with other organizations that are doing similar work and see how or why their work is successful. That's the point of this workshop. To pursue an example of 'positive deviance'. Why are the villagers of these villages able to regenerate trees and others not. What's with the process. So, that's what Friday starts to explore.

Tomorrow and Wednesday, I will hopefully be studying the causes and effects of 'regeneration' or 'regrowth'. I'm not sure what term is best in the minds of the people. But, I'll use solution trees (instead of 'problem trees'). I'm tired of exploring the problems. They seem to already know them.

Instead, I'm hoping by exploring the subjects using 'solution trees' I might be able to get at the norms, rules, and reasons for why these solutions can or can't be brought about. So, study the solution, how to get there, whether they like the solution, and if so, what keeps them from getting there. Sort of a 'here's an ideal future. How do we get there, and what's keeping us from getting there and why'.

Still, I might first need to ask whether the 'solution' is even perceived as positive or whether people desire to do it. I'm not yet sure how to go about discussing that idea.
. . .

Besides that: I'm trying to start to count my blessings. I'm realizing that to convert my attitude, I need to be more intentional about prayer. More intentional about starting with it. Ending with it. And surrounding what I do with it. It's a realizing though at this stage, not too much of a practice. But, I'm trying to get it there.
. . .

I've reflected on the fact that my internship has a number of really interesting constraints. Constraints that were created because of how I typically approach work (suggest something, see where it goes, wait for feedback). The motion of my internship, however, I've come to accept, depends on me.
August depends on how much I push to get to the villages.
Planning for the workshops in July depended a lot how whether I forced contact with the project managers. That I didn't find the time nor pushed means that the workshops are not too far a long yet, but really, this is for the better. It leaves them open to change, and since different ideas are floating around, I am grateful for their open nature.
September's events depend on where I take them. Not having scheduled village visits means that there is the possibility of pursuing other ideas. It's neat to be free.
But, September also brings Ramadan, a constraint on the timing of my workshops.
And till mid-October, it's still Ramadan.

And then end of October, my sister is coming down for a visit. I wasn't planning on not being done nor having these constraints. All of a sudden, she makes doing the workshops at the end of October a non-possibility. I wonder if this will be perceived as a neglect of responsibilities on my part.

So, the best case scenario would be an internship extension, but that is certainly not guaranteed. Only hoped for.

If it doesn't happen, we'll just see what becomes of all of this.

But, I'm letting myself be okay with change. I'm trying to function within it. Trying to not judge my productivity, yet also continue to be as productive as I should be. However that is defined.
. . .

Besides work, I've started to try to think about where I will go at the end of August or start of September for my 1 week vacation. It's likely I will either go visit the Pink Lake, north of Dakar, or go to an isolated cabin on an island somewhere on the coast South east of Dakar. Just off the shore of a town called Ndangane. Just, I'm still debated the logic of isolating myself. I feel I do enough of that when I go to the villages.
. . .

Betty Reno, the lady who lives on the main floor of my house, is back. I am thankful for how she helps me process what's going on, what I'm thinking. She's constantly reminded me that I should be praying more than I am. All of what I'm doing here will be because of God, and in His strength. Certainly not my own. So, I need to go to him more often.

I might start a Bible study with her though, because I'd really like some consistent biblical dialogue in a manner that is understandable and recognizable.
. . .

It's humid here in Fatick now. No rain, really, which is really bad for the farmers. But, just plain humid and hot. Still not unbearable, but I'm just hoping and praying it rains, for the sake of the lives of the farmers amongst whom I occassionally stay.
. . .

NEwho, it's time to go home. Hope your summer is cooling down a bit. I've heard it's been a humid one for you all. I believe, almost, that my summer here has been cooler than back home . . .

God bless you all
And keep on praying for the farmers. Pray for rain, but not rain that blasts everything off the fields.

Changes in the wind

2007-08-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure how all these next few weeks are going to go. At this point, I'm not worried about it (for a change, but we'll see how long it lasts of course).

Just a few updates:

1) August till 10th of September (roughly): everyone is now mostly on vacation. I am glad that I had ideas for going down to the villages for this month. I wouldn't necessarily know what to fall back on if other plans currently being planned don't go anywhere.

2) There is talk (if only between myself, my Cdn supervisor, and 1 main supervisor here) of extending my internship. Here are the issues:

i. everyone is on vacation until early September.
ii. Harvest season will probably come in around the middle to end of September.
iii. More importantly, however, mid September till mid October is Ramadan. Meaning very few people in my villages will be eating food during the day.
And I want to run workshops during the day when people haven't eaten and therefore their ears and minds are floundering? . . . unlikely.

So, we wait until after Ramadan. Mid October. I leave on the 31st. And so I will do the workshops in the first week right after Ramadan and then jump on my airplane and go home? What will that serve?
. . .

The other problem with all of this: the schedule, believe it or not, is too rigid. How am I supposed to look at activities going on outside of the villages if I'm going to run from village to
village, then workshops, then follow up, then home?

So, if it's possible to extend the internship by 1 month, that gives me the freedom to go to the villages this month, go visit other projects and explore other 'ways of doing' by other organizations, and other 'ways of thinking' (hopefully) by other people in villages in the country during the month of September. Also go talk with international organizations more indepth about their work, their discoveries. Perhaps go look at the villages they work in. Or look at villages of other WV project areas even. There are possibilities that can be discussed and figured out later.

October is undecided (for the first half), but that might simply be a time to plan the workshops (village discussions). But even the idea of the workshops has never rested. It has always been changing. Always never been confirmed. They might be village dialogues meant to get beneath the surface of answers people typically give. Problem solving. Empowerment exercises.

And perhaps if the examples from other villages where other organizations are working are useful, we might be able to bring some of the villagers from our villages to talk with these other villagers, to learn from their experience. To encourage them to consider how they can improve their own lives. "Let's build our lives". I'm beginning to realize that more than anything else, development will be about empowering people to become or to arrive at improved futures by their own means. Helping people to help themselves, essentially.

Pretty crazy, eh? Lots going on, and nothing getting nailed down. And I have to figure it out. For a change, though, I feel like I might have the time and leads to figure some of these things out. But, we'll wait and see.

3) So, nutshell recap: schedule of events is being changed. Return date is being questioned. Purpose and method of workshops is never settled and constantly changing. Village visits as an absolute goal is slowly eroding away.

And yet there is always too much information to learn. We'll see where the string of information leads, if anywhere.
. . .

Mostly, though, I act alone for the next month. That, I guarantee you, will be pretty interesting.
. . .

How are things otherwise?

Dakar is cooler (in both senses) than Fatick (even though Fatick is cool). I enjoy being here, being connected to people, places, and options of things to do. I enjoy my hostel room where I can access the internet in the evenings. I can be more productive with my work.

My head still bothers me at times. Not sure why that is, but as I've said, and will constantly say, I won't go home until I stumble out of bed one day with the same problem I had mid-January.

I've discovered the joy of watching a TV series called "Heroes". Got it from the American family in Fatick. They're a good connection to have . . .
. . .

It's the weekend. I leave work this week not really knowing what's happening next week or how it'll work itself out. I go only with ideas. But, at least these ideas have some sense of direction. At the very least, they have been confirmed as being okay ideas to pursue (whereas before I was questioning the validity of everything I was doing).
. . .

There's still a long ways to go. If I have another month to work with, I think that would help out a lot. I'll just have to tell my Parisien friends that I'm now not coming in November but rather in December . . . I'm still waiting to get my tent back from Paris . . . (they still have it, surprisingly enough!)
. . .

NEwho, I'm going to go enjoy my evening. And I'm going to enjoy my day tomorrow in the city. I didn't successfully get to the Cdn Embassy during open hours. I've been here two months, and I have yet to set foot inside my own Embassy . . . (whereas I was in the British one over Christmas. Borrowed a nativity sheep from the Embassy. It's a cool souvenir). Alex (my British colonizer) and I have had some good laughs over it!
. . .

K, I'm out. Write me. (email, phone, snail mail, responses to posts. All are cool)

Lunch Break

2007-08-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

Elusive. Sometimes, that's the best way to describe my work.

Like, I can see it in the distance, and I want to get there, and sometimes, in very small ways, I do. But, often, it seems I get stuck somewhere in transition. So, it's a battle to work through it all.
. . .

I came back from the Gambia. It was supposed to be a relaxing time. And it certainly was, for half of the time. The other half was spent traveling in a bus on very bumpy, pot-holed roads. Although, according to a good friend by my same name, they only rank a 3 out of 10 for poor quality. I'm not sure I'd want to find out the 10.
. . .

The Gambians never asked for my passport at the border. 25,000 CFA not used, even though spent. I did, however, get my passport stamped on the way back in because I really wanted to be able to sort of prove to Senegal, if they asked, that I did not stay in the country for longer than 3 months at any given time. We'll see if that even matters.

Still, it was a nice place to stay at, some great food, some great dancing. I was chosen to be the "play boy" (hmmm) for the Fatick Base (there were 5 other bases, I think, and 6 other contenders for top "play boy"). I ranked 6th. I think they did that only to be nice. But, it was fun strutting the stage, dressed in who knows where it came from clothes found in the room behind the stage. It was all about fun, and it was. So, that's all that matters.

Where they get the name from, or whether they understand its connotations here back home, I don't know . . .
. . .

Currently, I'm in Dakar. Trying to connect with a number of international NGO's. Mildly successful. I'm connecting to a few, finding it difficult to connect with others. I'm hoping that some of the meetings I have will be somewhat insightful, or at least put me in contact with other people who might be able to provide that insight.
. . .

Other than that, I will spend time trying to research information on the country. Information I might find useful, that might explain the people and their attitudes. I'm going to try to take it easy over these next few days. Not necessarily in terms of my work, but in terms of my attitude. I'm writing in a current state of stress. Probably because I don't feel like I'm getting too far in my research outside of the villages. A lot of information I don't have, I know I'll be able to get online when I go back home. No problem. And only when I'm in the villages can I really do anything about learning about their perspective. So, I need to take a chill pill and let myself learn what I can from the international organizations here in Dakar. And then leave the rest alone.
. . .

My head silently and subtly throbs; my body keeps working, and therefore, so do I. 3 months, unless something is forced from me.

Necessity is the mother of change. I seem to be without a mother at the moment. I hope she never arrives.
. . .

I am going to try to talk with a contact of the Centre de Suivi Ecologique today. As well as someone from the International Development Research Centre (from Canada) here in Senegal. Hopefully this afternoon.

Then I'm going to read some information, grab a few drinks, and take it easy.
. . .

Lunch is over. Back to work.

Transitioning

2007-07-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

I believe that July 16, 17 might have been a turning point: I'm actually more excited right now about my work than stressed by it.

It helps that I've had positive reinforcement from a number of people.
It helps that I'm being encouraged to re-evaluate how things have gone.
It helps that I've been shown that some of what I've talked about with people alludes to norms and attitudes I didn't so readily identify.

It helps that God called me to pray.

This past week in Thiouthioune was amazing. Not without its complications, setbacks, frustrations etc. Just, I spent more of my time in the village being with people. Living life with them. (I actually quite enjoy that. Except the couscous. But yes, I enjoy living life more than trying to jump into my work - it just seems like I'm using people when I'm requesting information before I've gotten to know them. Sort of like the "Bonjour, donne-moi l'argent" exchange that happens so often here in Fatick. You'd make me start to think my name was "Donnemoilargent". . .)

Monday night: hung out with people in the village. Didn't 'acccomplish' much in terms of work.
Tuesday: had two decent sessions with people. Head was full of ideas. They didn't transfer onto paper very well in the act of practicing 'facilitating', but overall, they were still very decent discussions.
Tuesday night: a short soirée dansante. Coffee touba, some gum. Some dancing. Gave some gifts. Chilled out. It was good.

Wednesday. Worked for 2 hours in the field. Picked weeds. If all else fails, and the only thing I do the entire time I'm in a few of these villages is pick weeds or work in the fields, I'll be the contentest person in the world. At least, I hope so. With the exception of having a very hungry body for lack of food and expended energy. But, how else do you relate?)

Wednesday Night: The storm.

And did it ever storm. Pathways between fields became rivers. Rivers with rapids, literally. 1 foot of water above the surface. Wind blowing, driving rain. Rivers gushing. Every depression became a lake. Every flat area was overrun by water. The sky was angry, and all that bottled up angst came out that night. It was terrific and terrible at the same time . . .
. . .
I could leave the next day; they live there.
. . .
How often does a crazy rain storm knock out the wall of your kitchen? Or perhaps collapse your entire house? Or maybe 'just' a quarter of your house. Sand melts when struck by driving water, and since that's what a lot of these homes are (homes), that's what they do.
. . .
I spent 2 or 3 hours bailing water. Behind the chief's bedroom, where I slept, the back space turned to a pond. I was merely trying to facilitate its departure.
. . .
There is red and white lighting in Senegal. That was neat to see.
. . .
So yes, part way through this storm, I stopped 'enjoying' myself with a naive attitude. I enjoyed the work because I felt like I was trying to help. But, my mind slowly turned to thinking about those living here. They live here. I don't. I leave. They don't.
. . .
You can start praying for them now. If you haven't already, start to now. I'm one small little speck in the field. They make up the majority of it, and their concerns and needs far outweigh my own at the moment. Pray for me, that my attitude might continue to let go and open up. That I might be able to focus, reflect, and facilitate well. That I might learn.

But start to pray for them not so much me.
. . .
At the entrance to the city of Diakhao, a household had lost 5 buildings. I'm sure in other areas, including the village of Thiouthioune and other villages, similar stories could be told.
. . .

Thursday morning:
An elder in a neighbouring village died. I didn't talk to too many people because combined with the weekly market in town and this death, there weren't too many people in the village . . .

Other thoughts:
1) I'm finally beginning to enjoy myself. Work is slowly starting to come around (or, probably more accurately, I'm beginning to come around and work is showing itself for simply being the process through which I've been unnecessarily been stressing.

2) It helps being connected to people in Fatick. I am only how I am now because of who I'm finally beginning to connect to in Fatick.

3) I hate village level couscous. Have I said that before? I think so! Ha ha ha. Causes the gag reflex a little more easily than most other things. Actually, it's the only thing at present I'm still having a hard time with in terms of food. (mind you, I still won't eat other seafood, but fish, well, djé bu gen is finally starting to take me. I really don't mind it . . . wow. There's a transition for you, if you know me at all!)

4) Serer exchange:

Na fyo? Ma ha men. Nambi nambi? Oh waw ma ga. Diem rek? Diem rek ki.
(How are you? I'm fine. How's the family? They're good. In peace? Yes, in peace. - essentially that's what's being said. Oh, and it's not spelt that way . . . whatever)
Ha-a : no. EeOh: yes.

5) Wolof exchange:

Nanga def? Mag ni fi. Ana wa kergi? Diem rek. A hem de li lie.
(how are you? I'm good. How's the family? They're in peace. . . uh, I don't know what the third phrase is, but I say it anyways!)
Ndedette: no / Waw (wow): yes

6) I tend to use 'waw' now instead of 'oui' when responding to people . . .

Other updates:

1) Tomorrow I leave for the Gambia. I'm really looking forward to it.
2) Tonight I'm going to watch "Heroes", a TV series I downloaded onto my computer from the Forsythes.
3) I might try to get my hair cut again too on my way home.
4) I'll be in Dakar all next week. I'll have to call home and some friends every now and again.

. . .

Well, I think that's all for now. I always have tonnes of ideas before I write and then they just seem to leave all the time . . .

Thanks to all who are praying and supporting.
Do the same thing for the people I'm working for. Just add them to the list!

This is your life; are you who you want to be?

2007-07-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

That’s probably the biggest question I’m debating right now. Wondering about my work, about my experience here in Senegal.

I mean, things are just dandy here in the city. I just find the villages another story, because they represent a work that while I want to be good at, I'm still learning, and so it ends up being harder than I want it to be.

I realize that my mind changes a lot when it’s under stress. There was a time when I would have completely denied that that would happen; my mind, it would seem, is beginning to change.

As you might know, I spent this week out of the village. Sort of cracked at the end of the 6 weeks that I had been running through. The problem that I’m only beginning to recognize now is that I’ve been looking at my work as more a time to try to unearth some sort of revelatory new truth than as a time to simply learn about a different way of life, a different people group.

If I went in just desiring to learn, not judging every discussion as failure v.s. success, I’m sure my experience of the past 6 weeks would be significantly more relaxed. As it has been, I’ve been too caught up in trying to learn something big instead of just trying to learn. The experience has not been very fun at all, just a block of frustration, confusion, questioning, and disappointment (at my own inability to let it all go).

I am my worst judge, and most people know it except me.

Thus I left the villages alone this week. Stopped to think, stopped to re-evaluate. Stopped to pray. And the pray some more. Because if I can’t turn it around, I’ll still be thinking ‘success v.s. failure’ thoughts as I go into the villages a second time. And it has nothing to do with that.

. . .

There is a part of me that yearns very strongly for people to be willing to act, to be willing to change. However, if this internship teaches me anything at all, I can at least understand their resistance to change. Resisting is an action I’ve been doing a lot over these past 6 weeks despite myself. Resisting to come along side of them. Resisting to spend time. Wanting to, but finding it incredibly difficult. Because it requires . . . change.

Actually, more accurately, it requires me to spend time getting to know people. But, I’ve been trying to ‘accomplish’ something, trying to ‘convince’ people almost of something that needs changing. And it’s kept me from getting to know them first. It’s an odd problem. Work before relationships “because I don’t have enough time”. Yet, sacrificing relationships inevitably leads to sacrificed work.

I have to figure out whether to try to discuss issues with them these coming weeks or merely spend time with them.

. . .

So what legitimacy do I have before them? How then do I expect them to concern themselves with ‘environment’ and its ‘maintenance’, a concept and practice so elusive than even those of us in the ‘North’ refuse to practice it as we ought. Even us, who by all means have every means available to do something about it. And we give the same excuse as they do: “We don’t have the means”. We just say it differently back home.

I just don’t think any of us care enough about it. But it’s disappointing even more to hear it from people here. Because while we can ignore it back home (unfortunately, only for so much more longer – the lie is ours to believe), here, they truly can’t. The impacts are both immediate and severe.

. . .

I think too much.
. . .
One of these days I’m gonna make myself think less and act more.
. . .

It’s been a good break out of the villages at any rate. I’m not sure where I’m taking these next 4 village visits. There are so many thoughts in my head.

I think all I’m gonna do is try to hang out with them, spend time with them. Try to learn about what they do. If I can let myself.

And encourage them, when and where I can, to consider the preservation of the environment as a concern that needs to take a higher priority in their lives.

We’ll see. After these village visits, there are workshops. And in the end, it might simply be these workshops that give the clues we’re looking for.

Resources, research, and realizations

2007-07-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

Today was a bombardment of research and resources.

Finally.

I'm realizing that it's a question of lacking time. And not taking the time. I jumped into the villages without entirely knowing what I was doing. Which, really, was fine. For probably the first 2 or 3 weeks. By weeks four and 5, though, I should have stepped out a bit perhaps. Taken a bit of a break. Sought after resources from staff and direction from supervisors.

This week has (finally) been a time for that, and I feel like it's been an especially fruitful day.

I worked from about 9 till 7, mostly just reading resources that I requested and were sent to me from WV staff and a few other people back home.

I would have really have liked to have found a lot of these on my own (perhaps I should have), but frankly, the vast majority of them are science journals the University of Guelph does not allow me to access via online portals even though I'm alumni, and the rest are internal World Vision documents that I never got to asking for. Never knew what to ask for.

But, and the thought occurred to me earlier today, I realize that I only had the 1st week back to figure out the schedule of village visits, and then the past 4 weeks have basically been in the villages. So, when have I really had the time to look into a lot of this stuff? Sure, it would have been nice to have worked on a bunch of this stuff during the first 4 1/2 weeks of work here the first time round. But you know, I looked at my journal the other day that explained those first four weeks, and I was all over the place, between Dakar, Fatick, a number of the ADPs, take a look at this project here, that one there. And then weeks were broken up, a few weeks to transition, then pratically Christmas holidays. And then 1 1/2 weeks back. And then I got sick... It really seems like things were hampered down at the start.

So, while it sounds like I'm giving excuses, really, I'm just trying to come to terms with where I currently stand, and then, knowing that, where to go. Certainly, this week will be a week of reading, research, and discussion with a few helpful staff. I also have to think about the workshops I'm doing at the end of September, and also whether I can, and to what extent and how I might need to change some of my approach to my work. Juggling time in the villages and time out is proving to be a bit tricky. The research, I feel, affects my awareness of what to search for in the villages. The village visits shed light on local perceptions and behaviours. So, I'd like to do the research before the villages. Except, what village do I cut out if I need more time than the 5 days I have slotted for the start of August? How useful is research I do after the village visits?

Put it this way, you're probably not at all interested in my own thought process, so I'll stop that for the moment. But, while it's confusing and all over the place, I'm very thankful to at least have a few things to think about and work towards.
. . .

I finally decided to stop and talk with a few of the guys in the city on my way home from work today. I finally had time in the evening on a week day to do that. (it's been my first full week back in the city since I started going to the villages. I always forget that). It was interesting hearing a bit about their lives; I was glad for the discussion.
. . .
I've finally been able to hang out with my housemates. Usually, I'm gone when they're there, and they're gone when I'm there. I've only realized now how much that sucks, because I really lose out on being able to get to know them. And these people know their culture. So I also miss out on getting to know their culture (because they can speak French, unlike those in the villages who can't . . . ).

Language has proven to be a really large barrier to the free flow of my research. In Thiouthioune, I had the best experience, if only for the most pratical reason that the village chief there (El Hadj Michel Dieng) speaks French. Pure and simple. And so the evenings, and the casual talk, aren't lost. I don't have to fight to understand just the barest of information.
. . .

Anyways, as an answer to prayer, I'm still alive. And I'm starting to refocus. God knew I needed the break, and I'm glad I followed my thought to bow out of the village this week. Now I'm off to home to hang out with an American friend. I'm going to drink wine and watch a movie, and then wake up and look forward (with actually a whole lot of interest) to the work I must do and the piles of information that I now have to read through!
. . .

Thanks for your prayers.
I want July 16 and 17 to be a turning point for me in the internship. It is my prayer that this be so.

Fickle paintings

2007-07-17T02:07:00.000-07:00

It seems every time I post, I paint a different picture.

I post at times when my moods are different, so you might be confused by the nature of some of my posts at times.

Currently, I'm about 70% calm and 30% nervous and stressed. Just, I'm tired of being stressed, so that's why it's dropped.

You could say I'm waiting for my mind to catch up with my expectations. Like, I probably know what I can do, but I haven't thought of it yet. I'm very much still trying to figure out what might be useful steps forward in the next round of village visits, but I finally have a few ideas, thanks to the advice of a few helpful staff and some of my own thoughts.

I'm looking forward to this weekend because I'll be able to meet up with a friend of mine in Fatick. I hope we just relax together, hang out and swap stories of how the past few weeks have gone. I'm also looking forward to the end of next week as well because it will finally mean a 1 1/2 week break out of the villages. Hopefully a time to clear my head, refocus my thoughts, and strengthen my resolve.

Basically, though, I currently feel like I'm in 'paper writing season' at university. I have the same constant stress level. Just, at some point in my university career, I mastered my mind, told my body that the stress was useless, that the only way was to pass through the mountain or over it, and to not try to skirt around it. It doesn't go away, and you will enjoy the 'paper writing process' a lot more if you just accept that it is there and focus your attention and your energy on it. I need to pursue my work here in Senegal like I pursued my university marks. All of them mattered, and so does this work.

Speaking of which, I have to start brainstorming. Pray for social rest for me this weekend. That I might be refreshed enough to focus through to the break at the end of next week. And then pray for a fire to light up in my heart . . .

Blessings to you all for your prayers and continued support.

Thoughts

2007-07-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

Oh, there are so many thoughts in my head. Were I to have a computer everytime an intriguing thought came into my mind . . .

A few interesting tidbits:
I didn't go to Dakar this weekend; the men from the village never called to 're-invite' me.

I didn't go to Mbour either this weekend or last, although I did end up going to Kaolack the other day. Mbour was too far this weekend, and I really needed to make sure I pulled money from a bank, and I knew where there was one in Kaolack. At any rate, I did all of my shopping on that day, in that city. I don't think I'll be going shopping for a long, long time except for water, fruit, and vegetables for on the weekends when I get out of the villages.

I thoroughly enjoy riding on the back of the motocyclettes here in Fatick. In fact, it was also an interest of mine to drive one. So, today I swung that. Paid a guy to show me how to drive it. There's nothing to it, but I needed to know the exact method to start them up (because they're also partially finicking, being so old and questionable). I paid him 1700 CFA (about $4 CDN) for a 1 hour crash course and 1 1/2 litres worth of gas. In this time, I was also able to learn a few basics of how to take care of the things so that they don't die while you're driving them. All in all, for $4, it really wasn't bad. My parents, though, would kill me. Helmets and other safety instruments don't exist. It's the risk you take.
(and even if you're in a taxi, they're so dilapidated, if you ever were in a crash, man, the whole thing would either blow up or fall to pieces. I just trust God in all these things; there's nothing else to be said).
Actually, returning from Kaolack yesterday, pulling out of the taxi station, we almost got side-swiped. We weren't going fast, having just started to pull out, but it was a close call. Would have been interesting to see what would have happened . . . (sort of).

I'm pretty tired of the villages. I'm hardly in them, but my tiredness stems from two main things: I'm getting sick of couscous (I think I wrote that and this sentiment in the previous post). But, I'm also somewhat frustrated by my lack of movement in my work. Again, I think I'm being too hard on myself. Talk to me at the end of August, after I've revisited all the villages again and have worked to learn how to do specific activities. Perhaps the results will be fruitful; perhaps my frustration will subside.

Still, I'm just rather disinterested in the culture. That comes as a shock even to me, and I'm hoping that on some level that is merely a part of the extended culture shock/stress cycle (a revisited 'shock' loop or something).
Just, I'm usually so tired (or maybe more frustrated/disappointed) at the end of a week in the village that I have so little interest in eating Senegalese food or interacting with Senegalese people. I'm frustrated by their interest in me merely for the things they might get (even while I am beginning to want to give things away - I just want it to be received by grateful people, not just half-expecting/half-hoping recipients). I'm hoping that these issues will eventually just burn away.

I get the same request for 'things' from people in the villages, the very people I've come to work with. But, I'm new, they don't know me, and I don't deserve their respect. What, I spend 4 days among them, and then return to my comfortable life in the city. I can't really blame them, even while I do. Just, I'm having a hard time getting past it.

There's also somewhat of a spiritual void. I'm doing well in terms of reading Scripture. Prayer has been a hard practice (and I think that should say something to me), but there's also not much in the way of refreshment through a church service because so much of it is in a form (Roman Catholic - I switched churches these past two weeks. It's a far larger church, WV staff attend it, and the music is better . . .) that I don't follow or a language I don't understand at all (services are mixed between Serere and French). If it weren't for a number of very good resources I brought from home . . .

So, this post has a pretty negative feel to it, unlike the one two posts ago. Life goes on, however, and I'm very much looking forward to the WV retreat in the Gambie at the end of July, only 1 1/2 village visits away. And the village I'm visiting this week is also my favourite, so I am hoping that that helps.

And then after that, it's August, and both Betty and a number of other friends from the West will be back in Fatick already. On some level, the time has gone by fast; on another, it certainly has not.

I appreciate and am always grateful for responses to the post. I hope you are all well back home. I'm off to eat dinner and hang out with the American family for awhile (a social breather before the village).

Pray that I might find tools or angles in my research that refresh its perspective.
Pray then, that my research would be useful for the sake of the gracious organization that sent me here. I want to do good work for them.

Pray that I might begin, during devotions, to pursue knowing whether this is my life's work or whether God has called me to a more spiritual focus. It's been the item of a lot of thought today. Spirituality as what my work will be or what it will include is a big difference I have to decipher (it's also one of the reasons I came here in the first place . . .)

Bless you all and thanks very much for your support.

Thoughts on Nguithe revisited

2007-07-13T12:52:00.000-07:00

Well, to be honest with you all, I really wasn't planning on posting tonight. I was intending on leaving the office by 6 pm today and now it's 8 pm, I'm on Gmail chat with Micah, waiting for him to get off the phone at his house in Hamilton, and I'm waiting for 6 photo attachments to load on an email I'm hoping to send to my sister (provided it works - otherwise, sorry, no photos)

So, an update on me before I go home, take a long, cold shower, buy some bread, eat it with chocolate spread, drink wine, and watch a movie. Probably James Bond, Casino Royale.

I was supposed to be going to Dakar this weekend. But the guys from the other village didn't call me back this week, and I wasn't going to call them and invite myself. And plus, I want a break, a time to be by myself.

Certainly, though, I will either go to Mbour or Kaolack tomorrow, because I can, because I want to, and because I really need some more money, and there is no bank here in Fatick . . .

The week in a wrap:

Was a mix. I went back to a village I had been to before. Thus starts the re-visits.
You could say I'm getting a bit tired. Odd, perhaps, because I only spend about 4 days total time per week in a village. You could say I'm comfortable in my 'developed' life, that for those who have, it's hard to let go. And for those who have, it's hard not to look non-judgmentally at those that do not. Honestly, I can't even begin to imagine really. If I'm tired, on whatever level, of villages after only 4 days in, 3 days out for the past 5 weeks, what is life like inside the village for all of one's life? Am I really one to stand and make judgments?

People ask me for a lot of things. When I get all serious about it, they say they're joking. I'm not really apt to believe them, that they are genuinely only joking. More, they're 'jokingly hopeful' that I might actually do what they ask.

But, what frustrates me is that I'd actually like to give them things but when they ask me for them all the time, then I no longer want to . . . It's an odd equation.

Besides some of these frustrations, I'm learning that my work will always be about learning. It will be about learning about how to do my work. It will be about how to learn about people. So, the learning won't ever stop, and what I learn has a lot to do with the effort that I put into figuring it out.

What went on in the villages:

Well, lots of personal observation and discovery. Personal evaluation of resources that are at people's disposal. There wasn't, however, too, too much in the way of discussion on the environment, and perhaps I'm slowly learning that there are a lot of other subjects I should be thinking about looking at because they'll shed light on the environment from an indirect viewpoint. Talking with WV Canada staff has been pretty helpful for this, and really, at the end of the day, I'm looking for simple, tangible exercises to do with people that will help them learn, help them evaluate what they do have instead of what they don't.

I'm trying to learn to wait before judging whether my work is going well or not. I need to see it as a learning process, but that, in that, I need to be continually looking for ways to learn and grow, and working to make that happen.

Not a lot of new stuff was discussed in the village. We spent time together, I almost fell ill, I started getting sick of couscous.

But, mostly, I'm just trying to focus on where to go next, how to engage people in interesting discussions on what resources they have at their disposal that will empower them.

Don't be bothered by this post. I'm not dying of frustration. . . yet. Rather, I'm trying to see through it and figure out where to go next.

I already have a few ideas.

But, I'm tired, it's 8:30 pm, I've been here in the office since 12, and it's Friday, and man, I need to go home and chill out!

Social explosion

2007-07-08T12:07:00.000-07:00

Well, that might sound too hopeful. And perhaps that also lies about their availability, but at any rate, one of the things I want to remark in this post is that things are really coming along socially . . . finally . . . it's about time I lent myself to it. And that's the reality, I just wasn't closed for quite some time (3 - 4 weeks) until I felt I could trust the intentions of people I was meeting.

But, now that that has happened, things are moving along just fine. I went to the Catholic church this morning too, and that was useful. One of the guys there, a few years younger than me, invited me to hang out with them today. I had met him before, and it felt okay to pursue it (because he called me again on my cell and because I felt better about it for whatever reason).

Regardless, we went to the beach today, I hung out with them, showed them pics of home, Canada, and some of my travels.

Saturday night, I hung out with one of my co-workers. He's a Christian, and it was really neat to hear part of his story about his life. Really, though, it was exciting because we were talking about things that had a bit of depth, and that's something that's been really lacking here up until recently . . .

Friday night, I just hung out on my own, watching a few movies on my computer.

My time was well spent this past weekend, just connecting with people, doing my own thing, taking the time to relax, taking the time to get some other work done.

Today, though, has also been a day of some really great conversations home, to some really key friends and family. Thanks for taking the time (3 hours total duration between 3 phone calls basically). I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Time in the village:
A few highlights:

I changed my format, my style. Tried to simply learn what they do, how they do it, and why. The coming weeks will be more of the same, but with an ear out to hopefully catch newer points, and with a mind working to try to probe deeper. It's really always a battle between figuring out whether what I'm learning is useful enough for WV Canada and WV Senegal. Because, I'm learning lots, trying to do lots, and trying to figure out lots. So, I just hope that my trying continues at a strong rate and that it is sufficient. I'm always appealing to my utility, it would seem . . .

Still, I took the time to try to simply talk with people this week. I didn't write while I was talking. Just tried to talk, listen, ask questions, and then later in the day, sit down and write out what had been talked, what stuck out. This 'format' enables me to simply focus on the conversation. All I have to do is trust I'll remember, take the time to write thorougly, and figure out how to probe deeper - essentially, figure out how to apply what I feel I've learned in school, and what I know about the environment, to the conversations I'm having.
. . .
I had some really cool conversations with a few different groups of people. Felt I was able to move about the village a little more freely, although that still tends to be a bit of challenge. I have to try to get away from the village chief and his family (and the very extended family - everyone seems to be related to everyone else!). I also met up with a few people from Dakar who came to visit the village (had family there), but we had an animated discussion on corrupt government, the struggles of large NGO's to be efficient in their work, the reality that the development system is the way it is, the fact that people in the villages just want people to come and teach them (and, I think, to just give them something that they can administer themselves - there's an element of goodness to that, but it's such a tricky result to get to). We also talked about my role, my reason, and how I was learning something, but what would I be giving to them? That I would be learning and taking, but since my coming into the village is something that happens frequently (many before, many will follow), how are we helping the village? Still, my role is to learn perceptions, so hopefully that provides insights. It's also about this because that acknowledges even my limited training. A BA does things for you, but it is still very, very limited in its real, pratical application. And, furthermore, everyone starts somewhere. Including me. I can only grow from the further point that I've currently reached!
. . .
I tried to do what the people do this past week. Well, actually, not really. That sounds too good. But, I did go to the Tannes (the salt flats) this past week. It's where the women go to harvest salt (which they then try to sell - difficulty of a total fall in prices because of an oversupply and far too many sellers that don't function together in a cooperative). Still, it was interesting to note how they try their best to react to that (protect harvested salts from the rains during the rainy season so they can sell it later when the price is high, past and ongoing attempts to come together in a cooperative or to funnel selling through a single 'voice', a single individual declaring price. But, that's extremely hard to ensure because women are everywhere, there's tonnes of salt, everyone makes their own decisions, and many women struggle from day to day to provide the necessities.
Still, it was interesting learning how they mark out their space, how they do the actual work, how much they can get done in a day, and how much, if prices were really good and really stable, they could sell it for (a day's work could go for 15,000 - 20,000 CFA (40 USD) at the most possible peak reality) Unfortunately, prices can drop to as low as about 1000 CFA (2 USD) for an entire day's labour of salt harvesting and only, truly, if you successfully sold it all (unlikely - what's probable is selling about 1/4 or 1/5 of it during the day, so making about 50 cents). The work might not be hard, but it's bent-over-double-all-day-under-the-hot-sun kind of work, and you walk about 5 km round trip (from the closer of the villages, mind you)
. . .
I experienced my first African sandstorm. Pretty awesome, let me tell you, and it wasn't really anything severe. Just, if you're me, seeing a giant wall of orange coming towards you, with gusting winds, it was pretty cool. And then followed by a short downpour. It was really cool. Took a couple of shots, videos. I hope they turn out; I'd love to show them to you guys some day.
. . .
The village was very welcoming. It was also the wealthiest one I was in. They have benefited from a Classified forest project of the State (planting of about 100/ha of eucalyptus trees/year in an effort to try to stop the advancement of salinization). So, they are able to harvest a lot of deadwood from the forest floor (although they do cut live ones illegally often enough), and they can use the forest for a number of other products. The pépinière (tree nursury) is where most of the plants come from, and as far as I can tell, that at least hires a few people directly and a few others indirectly (receive food for work instead of a salary). But, the actual work of planting the trees, people are mostly paid by the World Food Program through food-for-work. Still, while it's helpful, it's hard to say whether they're really being paid enough.

Still, they are also able to harvest live trees from the forest, in a legal manner, provided they've approached the State service (les Eaux et Forêts) about it first. And somewhere along the way, they've found enough resources to build many granaries to store their harvest millet and have mentioned they don't have much of a lack of land for work purposes. They've also developed a system (mostly in response to declining numbers) of time-sharing the cattle to try to use them across multiple household fields to manure them. So, that was cool to learn to.

The village also has a telecentre and a boutique, so I was even able to buy a few things from them. Including, I might add (and which I failed to mention tonight) a few Senegalese pipes and some tobacco that I plan on bringing home to my friends (for those that are of the inclination).
. . .
I am increasingly enjoying scooting around Fatick on the back of the little motocyclettes that numerous people drive here. One of these days, I might try to rent one, figure out whether it might be sturdy enough to drive to a village? I don't think so! But, I'd love to dream. But ya, for btn 100 - 200 CFA (20 - 40 cents) you can move anywhere you want in the city. It's pretty cool. Although, if my parents saw me, they'd probably kill me . . . (helmets anyone? And I love how when you go over a speed bump, so many of them bottom out . . . shocks anyone?)
. . .
My sister will be coming to visit me in October, about 1 week before I leave the country. It promises to be a really neat time with her, and I hope to show her more 'what I've done' versus 'what didn't happen'. Ha ha ha!
. . .
Lots of social events on the calendar: next weekend, hitting up Dakar with friends from the village who invited me to see their restaurant and crash at their place for the weekend. July 26-30 - a retreat with practically all of the WV staff in the Fatick office at Cap Skiring, a place in the Casamance region of the country. Directly south. Will be passing through Gambia in the process. REALLY looking forward to this time with the office. First week of August: chilling out in Dakar, although, yes, I will certainly be working. Hoping to meet up with a number of the international development organizations in Senegal (I hope they're not all closed . . .) Also hoping to make some serious headway in my country context research and initial report writing during this time. But, it will be a nice break from the villages. August 18-19: I might go to the weekend retreat that the friends I hung out with today are organizing. Costs 3000 CFA and should work out well. Would be a wise way to really connect with people, so I hope it turns out. And the last week of August, I have my own personal vacation. Don't know where I'm going, but since I'll already be going south at the end of July, I might try to go midway, near Mbour, or north, towards St. Louis . . . we shall see. Endless possibilities though.

NEwho, I have now been sitting in this office for 4 1/2 hours. I, unfortunately, did not post as a result of all the phone call time I had (unfortunately, mind you, for you, not for me!)

I hope this keeps you informed enough for the time being. Hopefully I'll post again on Friday or something short tomorrow.

Blessings to you all.
If you pray for two things, one that things keep on rolling socially. I don't want to get unplugged any time soon! and two, that my work finds depth. That I decide where to take my research and push and learn how to push to get to deeper, ever-insightful discoveries of how and why people do what they do, and don't do what they don't do. And what they're afraid of or what concerns them about change.

Hmmm

2007-06-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally arrived here in Thiapy. I'm glad that I'm not chewing myself up for anything that's happened today. I sort of expected it to go this way.

The ADP manager got hung up in the office in Fatick. There was a bunch of auditing to do.

I just stayed put, worked on other things.
BUT, I'm finally here.
Except, I won't start in the village until tomorrow.
And then I might just very well leave early Friday morning because they only have 1 vehicle, and everyone is going to Fatick in the morning for some sort of meeting. . .

Although, I could stay until Saturday morning, and that, I still have to decide. I have another week in which I will make up for lost time here, but I'm wondering whether I should stay the Friday . . .

We shall see. I have to decide very soon.

I'll let you know how it all goes when I get back.

Running at the pace and circumstance of Africa

2007-06-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

I'm getting used to it. Should have anticipated it, but I'm not too bothered. Lots to think about, and now I have the time.

It's Tuesday. 11:20 am. I'm still connected to the internet, which means I'm still in an office. Which means I'm still not in a village.

We were supposed to leave shortly after 9. Then the ADP manager got hung up here on an audit detail. I'm sitting in the same room as him, a world away though, doing my own independent work. I'm glad for it. Auditing. Boo.

It's been a nice break from the village though. And I have a million things to work on. So, no worries.

I'm currently trying to hash out a few more details on a Capacity Building Workshops proposal that needed to be worked on. After that, I can do some research online. Might give me a bit of insight into the way things are at the village level. We'll see.

This'll make the village level stay a bit shorter, and a longer day on Friday to try to make up for 'lost' time. But, given the brevity of my time in the village, Friday being longer shouldn't be a problem.

But maybe I'll have to start aiming to arrive in the villages Monday evenings. Just so that Tuesday is a full day?

It's just the way things go here. As long as I can find a way to keep myself occupied and productive . . .

Vive le Sénégal!!!

Taking the Monday

2007-06-25T07:03:00.000-07:00

I've been using most of today getting ready for the rest of the week.

Not much was accomplished last Monday, and even then I had been expecting to get to a village that day.

Today, on the other hand, I've intentionally not called the ADP manager to figure out details of my arrival. I just hope that doesn't mean I won't get there tomorrow at all. I'm hoping if not later this afternoon then maybe tomorrow earlier morning.

Regardless, using Monday to brainstorm, write a number of emails (work related and a few non), working on a few documents for work (Capacity Building workshop proposal and village level discussion topics), and to plan more specifically some of my movements at the village level has been very useful.

It's 2 pm, and I gotta go eat lunch. Then plan some more things for the villages and try to confirm when I might arrive in the village. It's been a much more useful and productive Monday.

Striking a balance

2007-06-25T02:45:00.000-07:00

One thing I've wondered a bunch about while here in Senegal is how much I am expected to work. And what constitutes 'work'.

While I am 'only an intern', there is an ever present feeling in me that tells me I should be working all of the time except evenings and Sundays.

Meaning, I've wondered a bunch about my Saturdays.

I'm realizing that to be effective, I need to have time to self-prepare. But, with Monday through Friday often lost in transition to and from and within the villages, that only gives me Saturday to prepare. And while God worked 6 days a week, and while I've worked 6 days a week many times before, I wonder whether that's healthy.

Because I'm still figuring out how to do what I want to do (although I've learned lots and things get clearer by the week), this push is sometimes necessary. Only, it's at times a bit disruptive.

I fell ill this weekend. Something minor. But something all the same. It's still not gone, and I'm supposed to go to a village this week. Sometime today. But, for the sake of my health and for the sake of my sanity, I am going to try to use the majority of today preparing for tonight, T, W, TH days and FR morning. And I might make a point of keeping it that way.

I only wonder whether this is fair. I wonder how many World Vision staff put in 8 day weeks. Or maybe just 6. Occassionally 7 maybe. But how many are able to put in only 5?

That Monday be the day of prep for the rest of the week, and that Friday be a transition day and report writing/thoughts gathering day. Which gives me Saturday to think casually about my work, and Sunday to rest entirely. Therein I believe I will have struck my balance. Still working Saturday, because it will be a time of reflection and brainstorming. But that's it. And then I can leave myself to rest, truly rest, on the Sabbath. (I'm reading a book on it; it's been a real blessing and is reminding me of my need to rest).

I hope you all rest well this week. If only during the evenings until Saturday or Sunday. But at the very minimum, take your Sunday as a day to do nothing that you have to do, and anything that you want to do. In the words of Mark Buchanan, "Let go of anything that is necessary and embrace anything that gives you life"

Find your rest this week.

Thiouthioune

2007-06-22T12:26:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone,

First, before I begin, thanks Crystal, for your continued responses on the blog. It's nice to know someone cares . . . ha ha ha. No, really, just kidding. It's fine. I can't respond to everyone anyways!
Second, thanks to the Trudells and to all those who consistently write me emails. I enjoy your words, your comments.
Third, thanks to family and friends who are available to be talked at, to talk with when I come home on the weekends. Love of home helps me love this country.

So, this past week, I spent Monday until Friday in Thiouthioune. (ChooChooN). Very inspiring week, I think. The chief of the village was younger (not ancient like the others) but most importantly he spoke French. So, despite the issues of power relations and being biased to a lot of conversations with him, I was at least enabled to learn a lot of cool information.

Thiouthioune as a village was also really neat: No actual building for the washroom or for the shower. Instead, you were walled in by the 'pallisades' (actual meaning I don't know, but they're walls made from the harvest leftovers - 'paille,' the meaning I don't currently know. Haven't bothered yet to check my French dictionnary).

So, for the first time, I bucket showered under the stars in Western Africa. Never a bad thing, I think. Except when the wind blew. Got a bit cold.

I felt cold at night for the first time in a long while. It was a nice change.

Ate couscous. And couscous. And couscous some more. I really can't complain. Honestly.
Oh, and fish (with small fish bones that are unavoidable to eat) with some rice for lunch.

Oh, actually, what am I thinking. One morning, they caught one of their chickens. Then El Hadj (village chief) killed said chicken (I watched). Then we had said chicken at lunch! It was great! (makes you reflect on where our food truly comes from - from death to my plate within a few hours).

Oh, and during the week, I snuck in a few pieces of fruit (two during the entire week, mind you).
I received a cool peanut snack thingy from one of the ladies. Djuman N'dong. Cool lady. Great change of pace from the typical diet!
Two ladies (Marie Faye and Marie Diouf) made me a cool shirt (that I'm currently wearing): Entitled: Animateur 'Wali Sémou Diouf' [my Serere name here in Senegal. (that's now added to the list of Alex Dykstra, Alex Deekstra (Fr. pronunciation) and Abdulaye Ndiaye (my Wolof name) ]. ADP Diakhao, 2007. Thiouthioune.

We had une soirée dansante. Good ol' Alex thought it would be a night when the ladies performed for me . . . uh huh, riiight. No. They did. Ya, sure. And then it was my turn. And then my turn again. And again. At first, I resisted. And then I realized, 'Alex, you're an idiot. Get into it. You'll lose it (everything - their interest, your legitimacy here etc).' So, I got into it. And it was pretty fun. I suck at dancing. But, they loved me. What can I say? What's not to love? But ya, they loved that.

I had a number of really neat discussions with people. Nothing striking though. I'm still learning just what it is I want to try to get across to people. I'm realizing though that if I can find the right resources (my WV supervisor Doug sent me/ reminded me of a cool one), it's just about making people more aware of their actions, individual, but also especially collectively, and the impact that their actions have on the environment. That I can do. And those things that I studied in school, I realize that in a lot of cases, they just can't be talked about because people aren't there yet, don't have the resources (and truly don't have those resources to do that specific activity). But, other things, perhaps more simpler things but more profound because of how they change people's perspective, I can focus on.

I learned though that to do that, to legitimate anything I do here, I really just need to connect with people, start sharing time with them. Start 'doing life' together with them. I'm beginning to believe that that is what it's all about. That sort of activity, mind you, was made far more easily possible this week because the chief spoke French, and we were able to be easily mobile. I wonder whether in the future my translators are going to be willing to slave away under the blazing heat or the storming rain just so I can work along side people in the fields in July and August. (we'll see whether this actually happens, but the work isn't unknown to me, so I'd like to see if I can be a part of it).

Shared experience. Shared life reality. I'm hoping that that part of this internship grows. That my interest in doing such things will grow.

One dimension of this week too though was the freedom, the personal space they gave me. I will truly push to make sure I get that space when I am in the other villages.
. . .

The chief's daughter (probably aged 11 or something fiercely young as that) told me she liked me yesterday morning. I'm not sure we had ever talked once prior to that exchange, except maybe a 'hi' in Serere. I promptly left the room that we were in (she walked into my room - why do Senegalese girls keep doing that!!!) and went outside . . . I better watch that . . . almost laughable, except that it's rather weird . . .

. . .

Had some great evenings, just chilling with the chief and his family.
Learned a few cool games. One an extension of checkers. A little more complicated perhaps. And all you need is sand, sticks, and rocks. These people are very resourceful.
The other game, I'm excited to learn more fully. Called 'Bullet' Basically Euchre but 3 times more complicated. I have a feeling that once friends back home have it learned, it might become the new thing.

. . .

Slept really well (for a change) this week. First, it wasn't hot. Second the bed was comfortable. I eventually figured the conditions to find the perfect set up. But oh, how I love my moustiquaire. Don't have to think about the mosquitos yet. Although, there really aren't any for the moment. That will come. In the meantime, I get to deal with the very annoying yet very persistent and brave flies. They're not like back home. Never leave you alone . . . grrrr.
. . .

Used my computer to show pictures of home, of family and friends, to play music from home for some of the people in the village. Was just as interesting for them as refreshing as it was for me. Green! When it's summer back home, it's green! What a restful colour. Shots of our escarpment could have made me cry . . . (they didn't, but sometimes just being reminded of home shows you the great contrast that exists between here and there). And had some shots of Switzerland. Man, what a difference between there and here.

. . .

Slowly trying to engage larger groups of people, with activities that make them consider the environment, get excited about its improvement, and also realize their impact on it.

. . .

But anywho, that's all I'm gonna write for now. Time to get out of this office (it's 8 pm and I'm waiting to go out for dinner - meeting up with the US girl at the restaurant that most closely represents a restaurant here in Fatick - and now, having been here for a while and having been in the villages, it really does. Just a simplified version of it). We're gonna watch a movie, relax, talk in English. Enjoy the cooler evening.

. . .

Hope you're all well at home. Know that that prayers of God were powerful this week for me. I hope that same strength and passion carries itself into next week, and I hope that I might be refreshed to consider my work all throughout tomorrow. Some of the books I'm reading are reminding me of the necessity and rightfulness of rest. I pray Sunday proves to be such a day, and I realize that by making room for rest during my week (regardless of what I'm 'supposed' to be doing) made all the difference for me this week round. Strike the balance and get the most back in return.

. . .

Blessings to you all.
Write me (if you get the chance)
I'll write you (if I get the chance)

more on "It's only been two weeks"

2007-06-18T02:50:00.001-07:00

Ya, so the van just left to go to Thiès for the funeral. They said 10 am and left 15 minutes before then.

But, I just called Jean François of Diakhao, and they're actually still planning on coming down to pick me up. So, I guess it's for the better. Sort of. I feel like it might have been a good idea if I had gone to the funeral. I dunno.

Well, I'm going to take advantage of the time I have to prepare myself and do some research.

It's only been two weeks

2007-06-18T02:39:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Not sure who will end up reading this, but I figure I have a few minutes.

Plans are potentially a little disrupted for the moment. The brother of the Thiapy ADP manager (where I'm working, and who I'm working with/for, in essence) died yesterday, and the funeral is today. I'm still trying to get in contact with the ADP manager of Diakhao, where I am supposed to be going today. But, I imagine that he'll be going to the funeral, and if so, so will I. I might even go as long as I can be sure Diakhao is informed. Going, I feel, is important for a number of reasons, mostly because it's where I'm working and because the ADP is Cdn funded. So, there's something about empathy and representation there too.

Just, I need to try to confirm that that is what's going to happen.

Also, I just wanted to briefly write that, while I am a little frustrated by my work at the moment (like, not deeply, just sort of waiting for things to work themselves out), I've reflected a bit on the fact that it's only been two weeks since I've been back and only 1 week of time in the villages. Since I've never done this work, it might very well turn out that the first 1 week stints in each of the villages turns out to be learning weeks and that the second 1 week visits turn out to be more learning, just coupled with a bit of problem solution brainstorming. And then September might be a time for good 'hope for the future' dreaming when we do the workshops.

At any rate, thanks for your encouragements, especially your prayers. I'll try to keep my head on my shoulders and the spirit in me that makes me want to simply learn, hang out, talk, and explore with people in the villages.

May you be blessed as you have been blessing me.

By God's grace

2007-06-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

I was reminded by a good friend of mine that I hadn't yet posted on my blog site. So, while it's getting late (I still have a bunch of planning to do and packing for another week in the villages), I know I need to post something so that you have an idea of how I'm doing.

By God's grace:
I feel I am overcoming some of the challenges of village life -as long as there is soap, toilet paper and toilet seats don't matter.
I have water to drink (I bring it with me, but it's a blessing all the same)
I am learning to eat fish, and fish with lots of tiny bones . . . (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me)
I am trying to do my work, but also give myself time to work through the process that is my work, that is creating relationships with people.

Pray though that by God's grace and the strength received by the prayers of you for me that I might:
Not be stressed about my work. Not be anxious about all the details of what needs to be scheduled, who I need to talk with, how I'm going to get there, what I'm going to say . . .
Take a sincere interest in the lives of the people I'm working with (this has been a constant point of wondering for me - why isn't this happening naturally? I just thought it would . . .)
See the adventure in my work
Find rest in God, deeply fulfilling times with the Lord that allow me to go deeper with people I meet, go deeper in my work. Out of that depth, I truly believe that joy (and no longer stress) will be my sole motivator in my work and in my relationships.

Time in my first village:
Overall, it went pretty well. I was taken care of (physically speaking), and was warmly welcomed. But, there wasn't quite enough down time for me, enough time for me to stop thinking, to stop wondering about how to approach my work. About how to do good work. And not enough time just to be alone.

Granted though, the teenage boys with whom I talked during the evenings were a great source of socialization, and if I'm honest with myself, I look forward to seeing them again. I hope that those sorts of relationships build themselves, that I lend myself over to them.

Regardless, my need for time and space so that I can pray and prepare for another day is probably my greatest need. I am very certain that I will let the next village know that I truly need this time, and in the event that it is not given, I will demand it of them. That might not be received well initially, but it is just simply a necessary condition of my working among them for the week, so that I can do good work.

Of my work:
I have already learned much about my work, and I'm trying to generate new ideas about how to stimulate good discussion. Just, because work was a point of stress for me (essentially, of feeling like a bit of a failure in my ability to 'facilitate' discussions on natural resource manaagement, my entire reason for being here), I haven't been too excited to tackle it yet. And I want to be able to balance work with social outlets. So, those two areas at this point have been a bit in conflict with each other. I plan on bringing a deck of cards with me to this next village and teaching and playing a few games with the kids I meet. Plus, I received the Poisonwood Bible book from the Peace Corps woman today, so that's a big book, all in English, that I can read just for fun. I hope to take advantage of that.

There were some positive things for me though this weekend. First, I spent Friday evening with some of the Finnish folk. It was great to hang out with them. Saturday, I spent a bit of time in the city, just wandering around. I did a bit of work (wrote my weekly report), and after visiting the Forsythes (American fam), I was able to download a few movies off their computer. I ended up watching one of these movies Saturday night, complimented by a few glasses of wine and some homecooked food that I made. And Sunday, today was pretty good. I called home, called Janice, but really interestingly, I met the American woman who is part of the US Peace Corps (mentioned earlier). She actually lives not far from me, and one of the women she lives with is also the sister-in-law to the Chef de Base (Base manager Pierre Faye) of World Vision in Fatick. We hung out all afternoon (even though I had been planning on doing some reading and planning - just, I really needed this level of connection with someone, so I put work aside for the moment). I hope to spend more time with her over the weekends when I'm out of the villages.

NEwho, I hope that this is a decent enough of an update to hold you over for the next week.

Pray for me. To family and friends I talked with tonight, you all know I feel I need it right now. I just want my desires to match the way I'm feeling. And I want to get excited about my work so that it makes the stress a very minor component of what I'm doing.

May God bless you all, and thank you too for how thoughts of your prayers for me have been a blessing during the tough times. It's only been 2 weeks, and I want this transition phase to be done with!!!

Off to a village in Diakhao. Time for some more camping . . .

The descent

2007-06-11T04:18:00.001-07:00

It's 11:20, and I've had to do a bit of planning with the staff here in Thiapy. It's gone well, and I'm about to head out to meet the State service: Water and Forest, a department of the state that WV works with for environment issues.

After that, I'm going to my first village, Nguith ("ngeech"). I'll be there for a few days, and then to the next village after that. I'll split this week between the two and then spend 1 week in each one from then on in.

So, I'm heading out onto the African plains. It's not too bad at the moment, although a little warm. I'm looking forward to it and hope that things plan themselves out well.

Prayers are appreciated, from everything from health to direction in work to establishing good relationships with the people to figuring out all logistical details so I can actually do my work.

Things look promising, and with that, I'll leave you for the week. I'll be back on Friday.
Ps 46

In Dakar

2007-06-10T07:42:00.000-07:00

I spent yesterday and today exploiting Dakar for its busyness, its access to resources, and its beach fronts.

Alex Whitney arrived around 10:30 pm on Friday, and he and I went out and grabbed a few drinks. Sat down on the patio of "On the Run" (you know, the convenience store of Esso? Ya, apparently, it's quite the social hub on a Saturday night. They have the equivalent of a mini LCBO, so we were able to grab a few drinks and hang out there. The view of the gas station was amazing.

On Saturday, we ended up going for a run along the beach (not as lovely as it sounds - lots of construction, car fumes, and building rubble everywhere). But, it was neat to go running, and it was cool to see that a lot of other people use that part of the city for exercise purposes as well.
We then ended up going back to the hostel, showering, grabbing some food, and packing for a day on the Ile de Gorée, famous for being the last stop of the slaves before heading out to North America. We arrived around 1 though, and by the time we wandered around a bit, ate some lunch, and then lounged on the beach and did some swimming (which was cool, refreshing, and pretty wavy!), there wasn't much time to go to any museums. But, it was good to go for a first time to know what it's like. I'll catch the museums when I have more time and more desire to see them. To be honest, though, the ile de Ngor is both cheaper to get to (it's closer) (500 CFA ($1 aller-retour) vs 5,000 CFA ($10 A/R) for Ile de Gorée, and the beaches are nicer).

After the island, we went out for dinner, grabbed a few drinks, and then went back to the hostel and watched a movie (SkyCaptain and the World of Tomorrow - or something like that. Pretty decent, but I was just excited to be able to watch a movie (Alex Whitney had DVD's, and I had a DVD player (on the computer) ).

Today, we went to church. A really great sermon, with some really great points of encouragement for me to think about, reflect on, and engage in Scripture with over the course of the next number of weeks in the villages: Hebrews 13:6 ?, I think, a reference that the Lord is always present with us. I was also reminded of Ps 121, Ps 46, and Ps 118:8. So, I think I should have a lot of things to ponder over and to put my trust in during the dying minutes of the day or by flashlight while alone under my mosquito net.

After church, I went shopping for cereal (and I also found a muesli trail mix that I plan on bringing into the villages).

Then to the office, where I've been taking the time to plan exactly how it is I want to go about my research over the next 5 days.

(so yes, breaking a whole bunch of rules, I guess. Buying and 'working' on Sunday. I try not to get caught up in the legalism of such rules. This entire weekend has been a true Sabbath compared to what will happen in a few days time).

Tonight, it'll be time to pack and make a few phone calls home.

Hope you're all well back home. I'm hopefully going to post a short something tonight yet. And then there will be silence for 1 week.

God in Senegal

2007-06-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

I'm giving everyone the wrong impression. Soon these posts will be less frequent, likely only happening over the Friday - Sunday village breaks. Just so you're all fore-warned.

NEwho, today went well. Spent most of my day in the office doing some background reading/research. Went well. I feel like there's a lot more focus to what I'm at least trying to figure out while here. Funny though, is that there just seems to be a total absence of access to information outside of the internet and international organizations located in Dakar. Maybe I'm not asking clearly enough, but there seems to be little documentation on what WV has been up to in Senegal that I can find (there is some stuff, but it's not getting me too far!).

Still, that just makes me realize exactly what an opportunity I have going to the villages. I hope they get my energy, get my desire for them not to look at me and think 'how can we convince him to send money our way' but rather 'guys, I'm here to listen to you, learn from you, encourage and support you. That's it. I hope they catch on to my desire to learn from them, not the other way around. I hope that that's what happens.

I'm currently in Dakar. Arrived here after leaving Fatick around 1:30 pm. All stops and tangents included (including eating lunch around 3 pm (finally - I was starving to the point that I wasn't hungry anymore!), I arrived around 5:30. Takes a bit to get here.

Dropped some stuff off at the WV office, and then headed out into the city. Went to la marché Sandaga. Went hunting for some useful items for back in Fatick, and just looking to explore, to kill some time. Which is what I'm also currently doing right now. Writing a blog at 20 2 10 because my friend still hasn't arrived from Kaolack. But, I knew he was arriving late, and I quite enjoy being attached to email, being attached to the internet because I can do research, write you guys, read things, etc. En effet, il y a des choses que je peux faire, alors je suis heureux (Basically, there are things I can do, so I'm happy). Keeps me pre-occupied, and assuming Alex (my friend, not my second personality) doesn't arrive by the time I'm done here, I know where I'm going to go anyways. Kill more time writing in my journal.

I pondered a bit today about what I was doing here. The work itself seems okay. I'd like to find out where God is present in Senegal. A good friend of mine mentioned he would pray I be fearless to tackle things I come across. One of those things that I'd like to begin to tackle is engaging people with spiritual issues. Certainly, more than I think I've realized or been maybe willing to acknowledge, is that there is a definite spiritual opennes on one hand. There is, however, a solid closure to God beyond Islam. But, people, as much as I can tell for now, are not hostile to open dialogue on these issues. And since they excite me so much, I'm going to tread these waters bit by bit. Carefully. Doucement. Etc. But, it might provide some cool insights into my research, where appropriate.

I hung out à la Place d'Indépendance ce soir, and ended up talking with a guard(?) about life and the appropriate way to live life (he started it, I just added my opinion). It was funny though, because I had just prayed to God asking how he was present in Senegal. He showed up just then, perhaps in a quiet manner. I tried to share with him my understand of living life in reaction to what God has done through Jesus and not so much the act of living a good life just for the sake of it or because God's favour depends on it. Perhaps through a fog that was this guard, that the Lord presented himself. But something was being said then, I think. I hope to listen a little more as time goes on and figure where to go with this dimension of my time here. It certainly excites me a tonne.

I'm currently listening to Najoua Belyzel. French dance music. I like it. Just a touch too poppy, but she's got some good songs (good rhythm etc). I'll have to remember to bring my MP3 player to the villages maybe. Life without music might be deadly.

But ya, tomorrow promises to be a day of sunshine, good food, good friends, and some beach related activities (at least, I'll be pushing for that).

And, I already have plans for next Friday evening with the Finnish woman. She's currently in Mbour (1/2 hr outside of Fatick), but we'll be able to meet up that evening. Just, then she'll be gone until the 24th, back for a week, and then gone for all of July. Just another prayer request. July right now seems like it will be very dry socially. i.e. that will be bad. Pray that I make intentional plans with my co-workers during those weekends off. And/or that time in the villages turns into something beautiful. I want it to be that way.

NEwho, I'm gonna do some calling and some research followed by some walking and journal writing. Hope you're all well at home.

Thanks for the posts to those who are making them.

A Salam Aleykoum (peace be to you - muslim greetinng, said everywhere here)

By the light of the moon

2007-06-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

There is this book of poetry I have at home. It's entitled "By the light of the moon". I've never really thought about it a lot. Never had to, never cared.

I mention it now, though, because soon a lot of my evenings will be spent under the light of the moon, and a whole bunch of my work and living in Senegal will happen during those early evening hours.

Just, I wonder what I'm going to be going into soon. Heading into the villages. All by myself. Pursuing relationships with people and also information about what they do, how, why, and what they've observed in their changing environment.

I also wonder why I think about it so much. You know? Like, had you asked me a year ago if I would have thought going to Senegal to be a thrilling opportunity, I probably would have told you 'Yes' with much enthusiasm. I'm still saying 'Yes'. I'm still here, and I find many things about what I'm doing here pretty engaging. Only, I feel like I've changed a lot over the past year, and I feel like I'm not sure I'm saying that 'Yes' with as much enthusiasm right now as I would have then.

Really, I feel like I'm waiting for something. Waiting for things to just work themselves out. Waiting perhaps for an attitude shift, a re-claiming of the excitement to explore, to be challenged, to learn, to grow. Waiting to let go of something. Or to embrace something. Not sure.

Perhaps in waiting for that something, I've lost some of my willingness to tackle the excitement. I dunno. But, I wonder about it a bunch (since, of course, I have lots of time on my hands). Really, that's what I think it boils down to: I have NO IDEA what to do with all my alone time. Relationships are still being built, and even those I'm currently working on might be harder to pursue if I'm constantly running between isolated villages surrounding the city. And there isn't really any one with whom I can share experiences with.

Not only that, but a number of my contacts will be leaving shortly. Betty Reno, the American downstairs is gone in 1 week for about 2 months. There's still the American family across the road, but they're a family, and I don't intend to crash their lives all the time. Even more though, is that I'm still going to try to keep that to a minimum. Running to the familiar all the time seems to be a cop out.
(still, after hanging out in the villages for over half of every week for the next 10 weeks might very well change my opinion! But then it'll be justified).

But ya, despite the nature of this post, know that I'm feeling pretty all right at the moment. I might have a different story to tell in 7 days time, but I need to be patient with myself along the learning curve. I've never done anything like this, and a part of me is still very intrigued with what it is I am doing. Just, as I said to everyone before I left, it's going to be a question of decent social outlets that I'll be able to access when I get out of the villages. The 'pizza and movie' nights on Friday's at the American family's house might very well be a life-saver in a few weeks time! And Dakar will be such a break, what with its beaches, access to communications, electricity, running water, and plenty of food selection.

Pray for me as I go into the villages. Pray for the transition. But more so, pray that I let go of whatever it is I'm holding on to that is holding me back. Know what I mean? Like, here's my opportunity, here's my chance. And what an opportunity it is! I really don't want to walk away from Senegal thinking, 'man, why didn't you do that?!?'. Still, alongside of those prayers, pray that I might be able to find adequate and timely social outlets. It is the last standing frustration I have to overcome, and relationships that have adequate depth might be hardest to form.

That's why you guys are so important! And this blog. And your emails and posts! . . . Get it?

NEwho, I'm off to cook some dinner after hauling 20 litres of water with me for 30 minutes. This'll be fun. (but, I'm hauling what I'll live on for 5 days (actually, I'll probably bring closer to 40 litres with me for over 4 - 5 days).

I'll write more another day.

High Expectations

2007-06-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm posting again. Except, I'm taking a short, short break from work. So this will be a short, short post.

Just had a meeting with the Operations Manager here in Senegal. Showed him my work plan and my action plan. Both seemed good to him, and he and I both realize that I have a much clearer understanding of both what I want to do and how I want to do it. It makes my work become almost a little exciting!

Just a few thoughts:

Going to the washroom takes on a whole new meaning when there is no longer any toilet or toilet paper. Still, if I am to survive in the villages, it will require I adapt . . . ha ha ha ha ha. I encourage anyone wanting a change of pace to try it.

Temperatures here remain similar to back home. So, I'm rather enjoying myself, not dying too much of the heat.

I'm gonna have to get used to silence soon in the evenings. That, and earlier bed times. Often, there isn't anyone to talk to, and with the American lady downstairs leaving for 2 months in 1 week, I'll certainly be by myself a lot . . . I'm hoping village visits will be filled with good evening banter.

I'm off now to go shopping for food in Kaolack. Should be a good time (a wider selection of vegetables, fruits, and hopefully meat that can be trusted . . .)

Thanks for all who post. I love the comments.

And again, happy birthday to all those celebrating this week.

5 min post!!!

2007-06-02T12:54:00.000-07:00

I have 5 min to write.

Things are going really well for the moment. The transition was a heck of a lot easier because i knez what I was doing and what to expect.
Getting into work seems to be going fairly well, if only a day in. We'll see how planning goes when it comes to arranging things to get down to the villages.

The geckhos are giganti now. All the babies have grown.
The temperatures is about 30 something degrees, all sunshine. But, really, itùs not too bad.

Ive made changes to how I approach people and how I am. I, currently wearing capris. I wouldnt have done that before, and mite change for when I got to the villages. But really, peple adapt, and provided its not offensive, and thats the key obviously, then youre good to go.

Ive also kept in my earings. This hasnùt been a problem in the city so far. People are warm and friendly, and I had a great time shopping for food in the market today. On the flip side, Ill be pretty careful about earings when I go to the villages. Ill first see how pezople react, according to the advice of the National Director here, and then make a judgement from that.

But ya, I cant complain about things except when theres no water or electricity, but there are ways around both, and its really not bad at all.

Once I make friends, then were good to go.

Its a blessing to be here for the moment, and I want to make the most of this opportunity. Pray that I focus on my work, my relationships, and the Lord for guidance through it all. I was encouraged by a special someone to trust the Lord through this, so we'll see where that takes me.

Hope you're all doing well back home.

Sur les rues de Paris

2007-05-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

And so it begins again, the voyage into the unknown. Into the unsettling. Into whatever my future might become.

I am currently sitting in a McDo's (McDonalds) on rue Sufflot. It's near the Jardin de Luxembourg, which was a hot spot street when I was studying in Paris. I went to the only place I knew where it would be both open and had available WiFi access for free. Other than that, and besides the fact that I never had a laptop when I was in Paris, I never really went into McDo's in Paris before.

There's been a lot on my mind lately. I said goodbye yet again to a lot of different people, all who were affecting me in very different ways: parents, friends, girlfriend, co-workers, etc etc. Now, I'm in transition, enjoying a day in the bustling city of Paris with two friends from the church where I went. I'm interested in seeing how well I understand them!

The weather here is a bit cool. It's about 15 degrees or so. If only that would be the temperature in Fatick! Oh well, I'm sure another 25 degrees on top of 15 won't kill me . . . riiiight.

Please keep me in your prayers, mostly concerning my work. And since my work will largely involve developing honest, genuine relationships with people, then pray that I would just avoid getting pessimistic with the attitudes that present themselves from the people I meet. It's all a matter of how I respond to them, and this time round, I'd like to do that a little bit better.

NEways, I have a few emails to write. So, this will be short. Whether it happens or not, I might try for the 'short but often' motto.

From the City of Lights,

Alex

Ticking clocks

2007-04-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been quite some time since I last posted. It has also been quite some time since I came home. Today, it's April 9. I left Jan 16 or so. Meaning I've been back for almost 3 months.

For those curious, you can say, for all intents and purposes, that I am feeling better. The past number of days especially have been marked by an anomaly of sorts: the lack any minor headaches. It's rather wonderful, actually.
. . .

I start work tomorrow. I have about 1 month yet before I am hoping to return to Senegal. I hope to make productive use of whatever is left of my time in Canada. But, ultimately, it is my hope that I will be given the opportunity to go through the process of this internship, to feel the warmth of an internship completed, of the process (from start to finish) undertaken. Only then do I know I will be able to make an informed decision about what I'll do following the internship.
. . .

The last number of months have been trying. There are a lot of questions still unanswered, questions that will remain unanswered really, at least in their complete sense. Like, why did it happen when it did? Why has recovery taken SOOOO much longer than times previous? Was there something I was supposed to change? Or was it really meant to be simply a time to stop and reflect. I've done lots of that, hoping that that is enough for this particular moment of my life. My feeling tells me I want to complete the thing I started, because the key is the process. The process from beginning to end will provide far more clarity on where and how so my passions lie. Hoping for that to be the answer to all of this, I wait with a certain level of tense excitement to go back. To tackle the issues, to work through the cultural differences, to get to the heart of the matter, to find out the golden nuggets of people's honest communications. To go back to the 50 degree weather . . . okay, maybe not so much that! aaahhh!
. . .

I am looking forward to work. I have been idle for so long. (you can tell, just look at my bank account!). I am looking forward to the way I hope it will teach me to take charge of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. It will be a useful developing of a skill that is weak for me in some ways.
. . .

Whatever. I'm still in my car. Still stopped. Still looking at the scenery. Still waiting to know if it's left, right, or go. Meanwhile, the time on my car clock keeps ticking. Looking at it drives me nuts sometimes, makes me feel I'm making purposeless use of the gas in my car, just idling there in one spot. It's the distraction that makes looking around me difficult. The itch that makes sitting still, sitting patiently frustrating, and if not that, then a bit disappointing.
. . .

But I've been told to sit and look. So that I'll try to do.
If it helps you, you're welcome to sit with me.

Cruising in my car

2007-03-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

I've had a lot of time over the last number of weeks, and especially over the last two, to really think about my situation, where I was hoping to go versus where I currently am and where it seems I'm likely to be headed.

It's interesting finding myself at this crossroads, this stop sign of sorts. I'm positive that everyone has phases in life where they experience the exact same thing. Still, I'm left waiting at the stop sign, not fully sure I'm going to be heading further along on the same path. More likely, it seems the longer I wait here, that I'll be turning left or right.

But what direction? And while that's an interesting question, I've learned a bit while idling that in God's view, we're not always responsible to keep on driving. Stops are a natural part of riding on the road. On top of that, however, while we often need to keep our eyes focused there, we are also encouraged to look around us, see what's going on and just chill. And stop signs are just as much an opportunity to do that, with the exception that we're allowed to let our eyes linger in a few spots for a slightly longer period of time.

And that's okay.

And that's what I still haven't fully grasped yet but is something I'm learning. Just stop. Shut up and listen. And look around. We're all allowed to do that every now and again.

Just God teaches us to do that at times when all we wanted to do after quickly approaching the sign was to hit the gas again and be off, eager to drive farther, go faster.

Ironically, sometimes in so doing, life can turn into a blur.

I didn't think mine was; still not sure it was. But again, I'm slowly learning that perhaps there's something that God wants to say, some scenery he wants me not just to glance over but to really look at for a little while before driving away.

Huh. There's been a lot to think about. Feel free to join me in the thought process. I say this because I know it will train you, but because of my type, it will also help me. (extroversion on my part requires me to just 'talk it out.' I should try out for Wheel of Fortune)

Happy driving. Keep your eyes on the road, but look around.

And every now and again, even though you don't have to, make a full stop at the four ways. You'll never know what you see in a way you woulddn't have otherwise.

Painting an accurate picture

2007-03-03T12:09:00.000-08:00

So as not to give a 'more righteous than thou' feeling to my blog, anyone should know that today was and has been a 'blah' day. I had a really fun evening with friends last night. Good times, good gaming, a great movie.

But, I think going to bed that late isn't so good for me. Even with enough hours of sleep to compensate, it just makes the movement of the day...off.

I haven't yet had my quiet time. Just not able to focus. That's probably rooted in an overall annoyance, frustration, and boredom with my circumstance. I alluded to that yesterday.

Life's daily doings have very little meaning or focus right now; nothing seems to be changing, nothing seems to be too new (now again, realize I'm still in my 'blah' mood). So, I'm just waiting for something exciting to happen. I guess it doesn't help I'm not supposed to drive. Can't get out, can't go anywhere. And, can't do anything (or else, very little).

So boo.

I'm glad time changes everything and that time itself is reigned over by God.

Ssshhhhh

2007-03-01T15:18:00.000-08:00

I guess I'm being encouraged to slow down.

I was hospitalized for yet another time this past Monday. It's Thursday, and I was just released from the hospital.

Shunt malfunctioned again. Infectious disease something or other clogged the 'piping.' The humour of the past number of days was found at the beginning. My first memory, basically, is waking up in the hospital room post-op thinking, 'What? What is thi . . . Why am I here? Aww, boo. Jeez." And then asking others to fill in the details, only a few of which I really remember.

The two weeks of antibiotics treatment that follows my release from the hospital puts me to March 14. The follow up doctor's appointment? Puts me past March 16. So, no returning to Senegal on March 16.

For those who might still be reading this blog, that puts me at a new crossroads. Where next? What the heck am I supposed to be doing with my useless self. I neither have the patience to wait any more to get better nor do I want to sit around and do nothing with my time. And yet, here I will be, sitting, waiting, waiting . . . waiting.

Over the next few weeks, I want to be in prayer and Scripture about other next steps I might be being encouraged to take. I've mentioned this to a number of friends and family already: I'm not naive enough to ignore what's been going on, but I'm also not rash enough to jump to unnecessary conclusions just because of difficult times. So, I hope to spend some time in quiet.

It's what the title refers to. God wants me to be quiet, I think, to simply listen and reflect.

So, because I have loads of time on my hands, it seems, I will be working to do just that.

If it interests you in any way, both for my sake, but also for your own, I invite you to do the same. You never know what we both might discover.

I don't know what I'll find, but frankly, I have few demands to make since I've never really done something like this before. So, it will be a new discipline for me. And I hope it provides some insight and direction. I'm trusting that it will.

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." – PSALMS 37:7A

March 17

2007-02-22T09:13:00.000-08:00

That's my tentatively rescheduled return to Senegal! I'm both excited and nervous about it (excited for obvious reasons, nervous because it's a learning thing for me - I want to do well, but I know I have a lot to learn).

My time home, while definitely not over, has been pretty enjoyable. A little frustrating and perhaps a bit boring at times, but there have certainly been a number of highlights, highest of which was going to a friend's cottage this past weekend. Although I did something to my stomach that it is slowly recovering from still, the pain was certainly well worth the going out.

Plus, being back, I was able to see my new nephew, born of my half sister Ashlea. And simply being back with friends and family has been good.

Oh, but most importantly? I get a winter! Yaaa. You have no idea just how much I enjoyed that deep freeze we had about 1 1/2 weeks ago. It was amazing. I love weather like that.

Anyways, I want to say thank you to everyone who has written me over the past number of months. I thank you all for your prayers, cards, calls, emails and visits of support. All were greatly appreciated. I'm content to say that my head is back to normal, and that I am looking forward to focusing my energy once again on my work.

In the meantime, this post will rest short. I have some readings related to work that I should get to doing, especially now knowing there's a greater overall purpose for them!

Pestilence

2007-02-08T22:43:00.000-08:00

Days progress
Weeks prolong
Aches persist
Ailing hope's song

Here am I?
I am sent
But of my understanding
Much is spent

Try to be calm
Who's to blame?
God's nudging me
A revealing flame

Life is not
Categories separated
Yet smoothed transitions
Are celebrated

Present bleeds to future
Still life's call carries
Be still, and know
Though circumstance varies

Time tells stories
Whose ends we now don't know
So be patient and trust
Wait, ask, and when restored Go

. . . destroy that pestilence which persists in me

Of R and R

2007-02-06T09:47:00.000-08:00

(that is response and reaction)

This is a post of response/reaction in three ways:

1) I might try to more often respond to comments posted. No promises (of course!) that it will be 100% consistency, or that I will respond once I return to Senegal, but in the meantime, recheck every now and again if you've posted something from here on in.

2) My doctor's visit was also a responsive affair: I have a CT scan scheduled for the 14th of February and a follow up with the doctor the 21st. These new dates will at least enable us, hopefully, to identify whether things will return to 100% only with time or whether there is reason to believe problems are persisting due to 'mechanical under-achievement.' If nothing appears to be wrong, then there is at least the possibility of starting to discuss when I might return to Senegal. If, on the other hand, it would seem something still isn't right, at least we can deal with those things right away. Not that I would be content with that suggestion for obvious reasons and concerns.

3) In the mean time, I'll try to react in ways that I can. Today begins a day of resource research and reading once again. In this calm environment, though, I hope to thoroughly delve into the concepts at hand. Hopefully they will inspire me in my work some way when I return. (fingers crossed)

Lastly, praise the Lord for all these really neat developments. Step by step, I hope, even while I'm fully aware of the uphill battle that still might lie in front of me. All the same, I'm feeling able to at least engage my work however that may be possible given my detachment from the field. I trust it will be useful to some degree.

And yes, I hope you're all, in your own ways, enjoying what we traditionally understand as R and R!

When and why? (but then again, really, it doesn't matter)

2007-02-05T09:04:00.000-08:00

Those are probably the two main questions I am asking right now, given my circumstances. When will the headaches both go away and stay away? When might I be able to go back? When will I know what the problem is, if there even is a problem? When will it get fixed if there is a problem?

Why do I have headaches? Is it just a matter of time before they go away? Why the disruption to the internship? Is there a reason behind it, or is it circumstantial. Frankly, as I've explained to many people before, I'm totally loving being back. I love winter, I'm loving this cold shock (again, I'm sitting inside and not working outside in it). Still, I love the deep freeze, and my excuse is that I still need to be careful with my body on some level. Can't always push, and can't push too hard. I also love reconnecting with friends, making plans (however shaky) to go snowboarding, to hit up a friend's cottage (less shaky, but would also be a testament to just how long it's taking to confirm my recovery as well as the longevity of my being back . . . boo).

All in all, though, despite the questions and frustrations that stem from that, here's what my thoughts are on the situation:

Right in this moment, I'm okay. I love being back, loving reconnecting (as previously stated). I also firmly believe that it's not always (just) a question of "it's part of God's plan." Frankly, to that, I say, "of course it is" At what point in the last 3 months have things not been a part of God's plan? So, for those that say it, I only believe you're stating what should be an obvious reality.

In the meantime, I'm slowly starting to like the way I feel I can keep on doing whatever it is God wants me to do wherever I am, whatever the circumstance. Just because things don't work out the way you expected doesn't mean you've lost the ability to live out the Gospel* in your current circumstance. That's what makes, for me at least, life so exciting: I'm realizing that you can live out the Gospel wherever you find yourself, and that, just in itself, makes living life exciting enough. I'll just keep 'living out the Gospel' here (as best as I know and am learning how) until I can live it out in another place. Really, it's only when things in life stop changing, when you stop looking for new ways to engage people spiritually, that life gets boring and somewhat purposeless. Again, at least for me. Since I'm not there yet with my being home, then I'm not worried for the moment.

All I know is that if the internship continues, and is extended for a few months as a result of the delay, I'm content. If the internship is canned, but continues a year from now, I'm content. If the internship is totally thrown out, I know I can find one with another organization next year anyways. And, if the internship doesn't continue, I can spend time working, paying off this giant nuisance called debt, and then, during this time, just think about whether or not to tackle an internship or perhaps pursue master's studies in the field of missions and development, wherever a program like that might exist.

Summary? Phil 4:11. Not that I truly believe I've arrived at that point, but I'm learning . . .

So, whatever. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the sparkling white stuff!

Bonne journée

*While not wanting to use coded words or statements, I realize that this point might sound bizarre to some, not really knowing how to understand what I mean. I'm also sure that my point is clear to many others, but really, all I'm trying to get at through the statement is probably an idea well captured by reformed theology (again, not to suggest other theologies haven't captured it - since I grew up in the CRC, it's purely a matter of circumstance that I identify the influence of reformed theology in my understandings of some things). It lends itself to the idea that anything and everything done in life, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing, can be done in such a way that people see evidence of Jesus' message to the world in those words or actions.

Rustling leaves

2007-01-30T07:39:00.000-08:00

Know what it's like to be picking up wet soggy leaves when it's frigid outside? Your fingers are numb, the wind making the skin on your face feel like cold plastic? If you have hands like mine, the cold makes your skin crack, causing you to bleed ever so easily. And the leaves, oh the leaves are sooo heavy.

But, do you know what it's like to rake up leaves on a cool, dry autumn day? Sun shining, a cool, crisp, but refreshing fall wind keeping your body cool as you scramble to gather the leaves into a pile and stuff them effortlessly into brown paper bags before the wind frustrates your efforts and blows them all away? And yet, even when that happens, if it's a free morning, it doesn't matter entirely. The work is light, the leaves (provided you don't have 40 bags equivalent to fill and the wind's not too strong) aren't a bother, and it's great just to hear the rustling leaves, feel the cool wind, soak up the sun, and be outside, working. You feel like the body God gave you is been used well, and you're the one benefiting the most in the process if only because you're outside and enjoying the weather.

You could say (although in the course of writing the analogy, I got carried away by fall fever and took it a bit far, explained it a bit more in detail than I initially anticipated) that my days over the past 2 weeks have been more like the wet, soggy, heavy leaves. My headaches have frustrated my recovery and procedures have confused or at least prolonged identifying their source. Headaches to me, in many ways, are like cleaning up leaves in the fall when the weather is horrible, and the leaves are wet, your hands cracked and freezing cold, and the piles just monstrous.

BUT! This morning was the first morning in a long while when I didn't wake up and immediately feel the effects of headaches. You could say that the leaves are no longer wet, soggy, and heavy; they are light and crumbly. I only hear them rustling in the background and no longer feel them lying heavy in my head, crushing my brain, bruising my energy.

At least, that is the hope. As I've just overheard my Dad say of me, "He's not quite out of the woods yet." Ironic. He has no idea of this post, and yet his line fits perfectly into my analogy. Nice!

Because, as we all know, fall is 100% better when every last annoying leaf, wet or dry, has been stuffed into brown paper bags and hauled away. I hope that now all that I'm waiting for is the trucks to arrive.

Dawn

2007-01-27T14:16:00.000-08:00

My head still aches, and my body is tired. But, I feel like there is a new day approaching. Today was a roller coaster, not unlike the others, really. But, it has the feelings of a hopeful ending.

Here I sit again, in front of my computer, it being sore to look up at the computer screen for long. Lots is still a blur, many things still make my head ache, but I've been sitting up for almost hours at a time now. That's something new, that's progress. And there is hope in that progress. While my head still hurts, I feel changes in my body. You can't observe them very well - I still spend the majority of my time on my side than standing or sitting up - but there is progress. And that progress gives me hope, all I'm looking for at the moment.

I've been supported by the prayers of countless friends, church, and family. It's that support that carries me all of the time, demonstrating the strength, power, and wisdom of community. It's why I believe in community so much, because the power of Jesus is the power of His body, the power of the Church, and not the crappy notion of church of sitting on hard pews and staring blankly ahead. I mean the vibrant, pulsating bunch of people that follow Jesus and are learning, despite their weaknesses, that He makes them strong when we let him work in us despite those weaknesses.

I left the hospital today, after about 48 hours. I spent Thursday afternoon to Saturday afternoon mostly lying on my side and sleeping. A few friends and family came to visit (thanks for those that did, and thanks for those who didn't - one needs one's space at times!). Doctor's monitored my progress, and we had a few CT scans done. There is a slight enlargement of the ventricals in my head (not that I really know what that is getting at - I only have ideas), but that enlargement has stayed mostly constant. The headaches that I have been experiencing, we are all hoping, can be contributed to the Lambar puncture procedure I had done on Monday evening where they tapped my spine and took out some fluid. That caused a low pressure head ache that lasted longer than I initially understood. And the hope here is that the head aches that I think are being to slowly recede are due to a return to equilibrium. Provided the enlargement of the ventricles noted in the CT scan represent a normal state of being for me, all this means is that I should be normal (ha) in a few days time. We'll see.

So, I hope that helps explain a bit of what's been going on the past number of days. Thanks again to those that were my words when I couldn't focus enough to speak them myself. Thank you to those who continue to write, call, and pray. It's appreciated, and my life is richer and healthier because of it.

I hope this blog finds everyone with healthy ventricles. . . ha ha ha

Head aches

2007-01-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

My head aches. It's the summary of my life experience for the past number of days. And circumstances for me for the moment seem to be implying that my rabbit hole of recovery will continue to burrow down for a little while. I'm not content.

I hate head aches. I've suffered from head aches for the past 3 days following my surgery. That doesn't include the time of head aches that started all of this, that brought me home, that justified surgery. A day and a half after my shunt surgery, the doctors did an LP on me, a Lombard puncture, or something like that. Pulled fluid from my spine. The ensuing headache was supposed to last 24 hours give or take. Even if it were 48 hours, I'm far past that hour mark now. What I'm left with makes me wonder if things are fixed . . .

One of the main issues of the head aches that I'm experiencing is that it makes thinking difficult. It's hard to piece together ideas for any length of time, it's hard to focus. It's hard to keep my eyes open, or even to stay sitting up for longer than 1/2 hr. If I do much of anything besides lie flat, I have a head ache within a short period of time. So, that's frustrating, to sum it in one word.

I went to see the specialist today from the Infectious Diseases department at Henderson hospital. They've found 3 separate cultures that were growing on the tube in my body. All three cultures are separate, but none seem to be diseases. But, they're confused as to why there are three separate cultures, why they're not mixed together. Frankly, I don't care. All I know is that I still have a headache and it makes me feel disoriented, shaky, and nauseous (however you spell that - I don't feel enough right now to care to check how!)

So, here's what's going on: I'm waiting to see if this headache finally goes away. If it doesn't, or if the 3 cultures they're studying turn up something bizarre, I might have to be re operated on, replacing the entire shibang, the entire shunt apparatus. I'd rather they just get on with it, first because my head hurts regardless, and because I'm thinking almost purely in terms of time.

How much time before the internship gets canned, before it's really rather impractical to continue, before the delay moves too far into the rainy season restricting any studying of farmer natural resource management practice because they'll all be too busy working in the fields. It might be a really unique opportunity to be able to observe that, to be there when the rains come back. But that's not my decision, and for the moment, while I try to be optimistic, the headaches and the circumstances are making that difficult.

Everything right now is all just a sore fog in my head anyways, read in blurred vision on my computer screen as I stare rather clumsily ahead while letting my fingers type whatever random jumble of thoughts spill out of my mind. Get a sense of my feelings right now? That's the idea.

If they headaches are still here tomorrow, I might just head back to the ER again and get things rechecked. The headaches really wear me out, really tire my head, my body. And concerning my work, they tire my spirits, my hopes of return, even when I want to stop thinking the way I am and start thinking differently. But, it just hurts to think.

So, if you can, and since you can in thoughts and phrases more coherent than mine, pray for understanding on my part, pray that I wait patiently for the Lord, despite the aches, through the aches, along with the aches. Pray for recovery, and pray for hope. Pray for time, because right now, that's the biggest race I feel I'm in right now. It's a race to recover in time, and I'm hoping I 'win' at the end of the day.

Whatever the outcome, though, pray that I trust Jesus through it all. It's just tiring to think, to pray right now. So, when you can, do it with me and do it for me.

Hoping all the heads out there are less achy than mine!

Not wanting to be, but glad, for the moment, to be home

2007-01-18T06:06:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Toronto last night around 6 pm. The activities of the 2 days prior to yesterday are pretty hard to remember. A number of friends, and especially my Canadian WV mentor can attest to that.

But, here I sit, at my computer in my room, in Canada. I have a headache at the moment, and my vision isnt the clearest it could be. I woke up a few times during the night, my body reminding me that yes, there is still a problem.

On the way back home, I went from being totally unaware of what was going on around me to wondering (almost) why I was coming home. The headaches, however, remind me well enough that there is something definitely not right. Ill just be glad to figure out what the problem is.

So, I go to the specialist today. Hopefully that will provide some answers. Who knows, in 48 hrs, I might have undergone surgery again. I dont know.

Regardless, heres what Im thankful for: the cold - wow does it feel refreshing!, support from friends and family - blogs are great because everyone knows write away, and I dont have to sit at my computer wondering if Ive included everyones email address, sweaters - I love wearing my Guelph sweater without dying of heat exhaustion!, snow - it reminds me that, yes, it actually is winter, coffee - k, so I haven't had any Timmys yet, because that will just play games with my head, but rest assured that post op, assuming an operation, I will eventually taste that wonderful potion again.

I hope this post finds everyone well. I hope that testings, results, and recovery happen sufficiently fast. Id rather this be a brief interlude than a prolonged complication that jepoardizes the rest of my internship.

Thanks for all your prayers and methods of support.

Berlin repeated?

2007-01-15T01:47:00.000-08:00

Im sure hoping not, but I woke up with one heck of a headache this morning. Not promising because I have very little explanation for why I might have received this headache.

So, for all those who know of how my coming home from Europe went last time, and how annoying those headaches were, you can appreciate a bit of what Im feeling right now. The only difference is that the headaches arent as severe. But, Im monitoring it closely, because if it gets worse, it will have to be looked at. Keep this item in prayer, because I feel it would be pretty disruptive to my internship.

Ive been encouraged to write more often, just shorter amounts. But, Im sorry that my blog can sometimes be an outlet to rant. Really, my time here has picked up lots. I had a great weekend wandering around the village, talking with random people. In the evenings, I hung out with the American family and the lady downstairs. I knew I would be in the villages this coming week, so I figured I would juice up on the 'known' before leaving and not having much to do potentially in the evenings.

I had a fun time the other day creating a little table thing in my room made of broken bricks and wooden slats weaved together. People here usually use something like that as fencing or to protect trees from animals. This was some scrap I found lying around, so I figured I could use it. And the ensemble, although a little sketch and ghetto, works just fine.

Other than that, I am waiting to go to Diakhao (Djia how), waiting for the driver. Trying to get over my headache, and figured I could use the time to write a bit.

I also await the arrival of my Cdn supervisor, Doug, who will be arrive in Diakhao on Tuesday. So, his timing is great, because Im just starting to get down to the village level and his supervision would be appreciated.

NEwho, as I promised, Ill keep this short, and I'll try to write less more often, like, you know, more often, just less. You know what I mean! Ha ha ha

Tranquil Waves on the Distant Western Shores

2007-01-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

Jolene's mentioning in passing of having posted the Ski Trip pictures on the Blogspot made me think, "Hey, why don't I do the same thing?" Wow! Revolutionary. . .! ha ha ha. Except, I won't be posting pictures. Just blogging.

Except, I tried, and it wouldn't load properly. So, I'm posting in where I normally do.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm alive and well. Perhaps a little frustrated and concerned over very slow progress in my work, lack of concrete direction (I'm still waiting for my ideas to become leads, still trying to figure out how to get some of the staff here to set up some things that I'd like to be doing sooner than later).
But, I'm part of a greater whole, and all the people I want to be meeting are busy with other aspects of World Vision business.

I just wanted to relate to everyone some of the new developments here in Senegal. They're very simple things, but to me, they're very enjoyable changes!
1) I bought two energy saving, much brighter light bulbs. Meaning my room is no longer the dingy place it once was. A light has shone. A new day has dawned! It's a wonderful thing, full light. Just having light, for that matter, is wonderful. You get used to not having it from time to time.
2) I fixed my shower yesterday! Yaaa! Meaning it doesn't spray all over the place anymore. Just had to flip the rubber washer (inside the shower head/neck joint) upside down. Still just cold water, but in 1 month, I won't want to do anything with "warm," I'll be so sick of it!
3) I figured out how to set up my mosquito net in such a way that I can now fully stretch out on my mattress. I used 1.5 L water bottles to pull the mosquito net out a bit and elevate it a bit above the mattress. So, I no longer touch it. It's fantastic being able to stretch out.
4) I went walking in Fatick just the other day, and I discovered that we have a full out food market. I'm looking forward to going there every now and again.
5) Tomorrow I am going to a wedding in Thiès. Not sure what that will be like, but I imagine it will be a good party. I'm looking forward to it.

Christmas went over very well. Being in Mali with the other intern and her husband was time very well spent. Lots of good conversations, good food, lots of swimming, walking, reading, relaxing. Got to watch a bunch of sheep get their necks sliced on Dec 30 for the Muslim celebration of Tabaski. Some cool videos too, for those who want to see them when I get back. Not too graphic, although on one I think you can actually see blood splurt for a second or two. No, but seriously, it was sort of too bad to see them get killed, but really, where does any of our meat come from anyways?

So, the holidays have passed well, and now I'm trying to get the ball rolling on some of my work. Have a 2 week vacation only 3 weeks into arriving really doesn't help. You're just starting to figure a few things out and then all of a sudden, you're not working for 2 weeks. And then you have to get started up again. It's very inefficient, for someone who functions like me. Part of it is my expectations, though, which need changing.

Needless to say, I'm much more comfortable now than I was when I first arrived. A lot more comfortable. I've loved being able to experience how much joy simple changes in my environment give me! Water that runs, lights that shine, restful, relaxing sleep! Great things to be reminded to be thankful for!

The original Bamako, Mali post

2006-12-29T02:40:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

I was able to successfully get onto the same computer where I had saved my file and I was also able to find that file!

So, here's the original post (although now that I have a few minutes, I am also going to email a bunch of you)

. . .

Okay, so the bulk of this message will not be on Bamako, Mali, even though that is where I am right now.
First thoughts: thanks to everyone who has been writing me. Sorry Im not responding to any of them individually. I would love to, but as you might well imagine, internet is hard to come by, especially here in Mali.
I will try to write to some of you individually later, but becausqe I can, I'll make a few comments to a few people on the blog:
Micah, I've been meaning to write you individually for quite some time. I would love to swap stories on experiences. Ive had tonnes of fun bartering in Dakar now knowing what a lot of relative prices should and shouldnùt be. I cant say I've had any huge deals; Im still learning at times. I'm more excited when I come away from bargaining paying just as much or just a bit more than what locals would. I don't feel bargaining to the extreme is fully justified though; since I'm probably making more money in a month than some people make here in a year. Thats probably not too much of an exaggeration. As for your not writing, don't feel bad; I'm not writing very many people either! Not by choice, mind you!
Jolene, thank you for your emails and the Christmas card. It was appreciated. I hope your next term in school goes over well. Keep on working hard like you always do.
Jim, thanks for your email. I would love it if you could come over to Senegal and explore the country with me. Alas, this is not so! But know that Im actually doing really well right now. After my first week in Senegal, the bulk of the shock was wearing off.
To my church family and my pastor: thank you too for your emails. I apologize for not responding, but your prayers have sustained me and have made my time a success so far. Pray that I would start to take initiative in my work after the holidays and that consequently, I would start to learn and grow in greater ways than I have up till now.
To my family, thank you for calling on Dec 24. Im glad you successfully got through. I'm counting on you guys calling me again whenever, because I wont have the ability to connect to Skype in the next number of days (at least I doubt it).
Now for some stories! Last Wednesday, I went on a retreat with the staff from World Vision. A wonderfully tropical, on the beach sort of place. Awesome food, and some good quiet times. And the stars the one evening I went out to see them, wow. They promise spectacular things for me on nights when I will be in the villages. Played some water polo, but we lost because they other team beat us in a shoot out. If I were to mention they got 2 bonus points j ust for adding a girl to their team about 5 min to the end, I wonder who else wonders at the injustice in our world. . .
After that, I had quite the experience getting to Mali, mostly because of my own stupidity. You see, you need a visa to get to Mali. Sort of. I think so. But arriving at 1 pm for a 440 pm flight only to have to wait 3 (yes 3) hours for them to verify that the electronic ticket you have already bought actually exists - I had to call the Kenya office and they told me the confirmation nbr was the confirmation nbr - go figure-, and then the manager called the Kenya Airways office in Dakar. 45 min and he shows up. 1 hr and Im finally processed. 20 min to take off. Zip through all the customs stuff, arrive at the gate, and? it's delayed an hour anyways. People are just starting to board!
But see the biggest issue here, getting back to the visa thing, is that this whole time, I', thinking, darn, I'm supposed to have a visa. How the heck am I going to be allowed to go. And so I'm stressing big time. BIG TIME. Cause I really want to go. And then I pass baggage check, police check, ticket check, metal detectors check, ticket check again, ticket to get onto bus check and then I finally get on to the airplane. And I dont have a visa? I'm confused (if not hopeful)
Hour and a half. I land. They hand me a sheet. Fill out, including visa nbr. Oh boy. I'm done. But wait, there's a little office here in the airport. I can just buy a visa for 60 dollars. Just like that. And frankly, at this point; i dont care whether I have to or not. The point is, I believe Im supposed to have one, I should have one, and to be fair, Ill buy one. So, I buy one. And Im in! Yaaa.
1 hr later, Im at Valer and Adina's (Adina is the other intern; Valer her husband). Their house is amazing (at least compared to mine). They actually have a living room, kitchen, and fully furnished. Oh, and a tv and microwave. Nice extras taht I dont have. I'm content with what I have now, but it was interesting noticing the differences.
Okay, 5 min b'4 I should go: since then, Ive eaten tonnes of good food (Adina is an amazing cook), we went to a Christmas service at Wycliffe on the 24th, Ive watcehd about 3 full seasons of Friends and 4 full length movies. Weve gone swimming in a few pools at the local hotels and a World Vision staff worker, and A and V actually bought me a present! Too cool.
I'll try to write more another day now that I know where I can find at least one internet café. And its decent speed etc. But please know all of you that I'm doing very well. Post the first week, my time here has been spectacular, again simply because God has provided in a huge way to surround me by friends -the American woman downstairs, a number of WV staff in Dakar and a few in Fatick, and family - phone calls home, friends back home, and A and V over the Christmas holidays.
Things are great. I would love to send pictures but as you might have guessed; I dont have the time.
But if I do and when I might, I'll try to send a few.
And everyone, get Skype; Then I can call you.
Or you can call my cell. It works quite well. If you want it, email me. I, not posting it online like this!
Have a great day.
From the sunny blue skies of very warm Bamako, Mali,
Alex

Bamako, Mali

2006-12-28T06:47:00.000-08:00

Well, sadly, this is the second time I'm writing this post.

It was all set to go, I had 5 min to send it, and the internet went down. And the file I saved it as must have been deleted.

Oh well.

I'm alive and well here in Bamako, Mali. I've spent some wonderful days with Adina and Valer (Adina is the other intern with WV).

They invited me down to Mali for Christmas. I arrived, but not after a crazy time getting to the airport, getting past the ticket approval, and then getting onto the plane. The ticket I had, I had bought on line. Except, it said I could pick it up at the airport. Which I couldnt. But, there are crazy traffic jams in Dakar, so I cant just leave the airport, go to the Kenya Airways office and then get a confirmation number verified. I would never be back in time for my flight.

So, I arrive at 1 pm and my ticket is only approved by 4 pm, and the flight was supposed to leave at 440. I go screaming through 5 other check points in about 40 min, and then? The flight is delayed! Oh Africa! How you can stress me so!

But, mind you, most of my stress was self inflicted. You see, I didn't have a visa; I didn't think about it, didn't think I needed one, thought I had read somewhere I didnt need one . . . right.

But, I somehow make it onto the plane anyways.

I arrive in Mali. They ask for my visa. Riiight. But wait, theres a little office off to the side, and I can buy a visa there. I do, and then walk by customs without having anyone look at it. And the point was what? I guess I should try to do things the proper way anyways, despite the poor system.

Just a short blurb. Unfortunately, because of my lost message, it is all I have time for.

Internet is frustrating me.

I will try to write some of you in a group email soon! But know that I am well, having a fun time, Christmas was filled with excellent food, great company, a cool phone call to home, a Christmas eve service, and wonderful visits with friends of Adina and Valer.

Ive done a lot of swimming in hotel pools (you can pay to use them even if you arent at the hotel) and at friends houses. Some good parties, and excellent (although warm) weather. Ive got quite the burn/tan now!

The skies are sunny and blue here in Bamako. I hope to write more to you all later!

Thanks for your continual prayers!

Edible cow parts and other interesting things

2006-12-14T01:12:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

I'm finally just taking the time to write up another blog. I've realized that the reason why my postings have been limited (as well as the transfering of photos onto a web site) is because I work during the day . . . meaning I don't have nearly as much free time as I did when I was in Paris. So, bear with me because it'll take some time before I can finally start snapping some decent photos and then posting them online.

I have a few, and a free evening, so I might be able to try to post some. But, I'd also like to try to get to know the 'city' of Fatick a bit this evening. Even now, I know very little about where to find things, and I'd like to become more aware of my surroundings in general.

So, a lot has gone on over the past while since my last blog. And it's about time I give you something that makes reference to a more upbeat attitude and perspective towards my time here.

Probably the most beneficial time was the weekend spent in Dakar. Although at the time of last writing, it had the potential to flop one way or the next, it actually turned out quite all right.

Friday I went out with a few of the guys. We grabbed a few beers, and then went out and 'danced' / listened to a band. This band, however, didn't start until midnight, and we didn't leave until 2:30. Now, I love to hang out and do things during the evening, but it has been quite some time since I've stayed out until 2:30 am. So, I was rather tired (and after waiting until midnight to get started, I wasn't entirely in the mood even). Still, I was content to be there, in the presence of others, experiencing Senegalese nightlife.

On Saturday (finally) I went shopping. I ended up buying a small bar fridge (a wonderful piece of technology), a little desk/armoire, a fan, and a bunch of small supplies (pots, pans, scrubbies, toilet bowl brush etc. Ended up spending about 400 USD, but it was well worth it.

Now, I can actually have cold water, juice, milk, and I can store things I cook. The fridge opened up so many possibilities. Now all I have to do is figure out where to buy a wide range of foods in Fatick.

Saturday night, after a day of shopping with Espèrance (one of the guys that I also went out with the night previous) and a bit of being shown around the city (where the main markets are, what prices to expect to get there by taxi, how to get to the port where the boat leaves to go to the Ile de Gorée etc), we had a small break. He then he picked me up to go to a gathering of Beninois people who meet once a month.

Edible cow parts. There are many I'm sure, and I've only tasted a few of them. But, I'm sure if I wanted to, I will be able to find dishes here in Senegal that explore every part of the animal being consumed. I had cow foot, tongue, and skin. And meat. The meat and tongue were good. The skin I could deal with. The foot, ah, not too good. Still, I'll eat edible cow parts before I eat fish.

Unfortunately, there will be a lot of fish . . . you can be starving to death if you're me, but at the taste of fishy fish, all of a sudden you can wait. It's a hurdle I'll have to overcome in order to survive in the villages . . .

So, I'm now well moved into my room. I actually re-arranged it last night. I only have two outlets in my room, and I've dedicated one entirely to my fridge. It's that special. The other one needs to accommodate my computer whenever I bring it home with me, my fan, and my MP3 player. Provided I can find an outlet extension block that is open faced instead of with little impressions and grounds. Those type prevent me from being able to plug in most of the outlet adapters I have.

I also finally ran across the American woman who lives on the rez de chaussée (spg? - I just can't be bothered to check). She's a 71 yr old woman from the southern States, Betty Reno, and she has been a wonderful resource person (she has a washing machine I discovered just the other day - all of a sudden I'm thinking Yaaa, clean clothes finally!)

Plus, I've spent a few nights at her house just spending time, eating dinner together, talking in English etc. It's been a nice break.

There's also an American family just across the street. Betty teaches their kids. I'll have to make sure to use their home as a resource at times, but I've already told myself to be careful not to run away from the culture I'm in. There is a lot I want to learn from my housemates. So, I hope to work on developing relationships with them more so than the Americans.

So, along with getting settled in on my side of things, I've also made easy contacts with people who come from a culture I'm mostly familiar with.

What else, what else? Work has been going fairly well. I don't feel entirely productive yet. Things take a long time to happen here, and I'll have already spent a month and a bit here by the new year, but at least a 3rd of that will have been spent on vacation. And all the the non-vac time will have been spent on understanding my environment. There's very little yet in the way of very concrete interaction at the village level.

I don't necessarily mind this; it's just taking some getting used it. And I think it's for the better because going into this context without an awareness of the big picture wouldn't be helpful.

Perhaps tonight I will be able to spend some time with my housemates. We'll see when or if they come home tonight. They're in Dakar fairly often.

Oh, and plans are to go to Mali over the Christmas break. The other intern with World Vision is based in Bamako, and so I'm hoping to be able to figure out how to take a bus from here to there. It should be a wonderful change as well as provide me with a comfortable context to spend the holiday season while I'm away from home.

Lastly, to everyone who has written to me, thank you. For all who are praying, thank you as well. I apologize for not being able to reply to your emails, but again, I'm rather constrained for time since there is limited to no internet hook up at my house away from the office. I should check out the internet café that isn't supposed to be too far from where I live.

Again, half my problem is that I don't know where things are in Fatick. No one ever bothered to show me around when I first arrived. Now that I finally feel mostly settled, I can start to tackle that part of my being here.

I hope this blog finds everyone well. I'm finally (I think) coming over the effects of a small cold or adjustment phase to the new environment. The constant flux of hot to cold during the night is probably part of the problem.

Take care everyone. Till next time.

Psalm 121

2006-12-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

Just before leaving to go to Senegal, on the Sunday previous of my departure, I sat in my pastor's office. There we talked for well over an hour, well past the 45 minutes we had initially slotted. I made him arrive at his meeting on appropriately African time.

Before leaving, he read me Psalm 121. The song based off of the Psalm, rendition by Kutless, is currently blaring in my ears over the headset that is plugged into my laptop. It's 6:15 pm, and I'm still at the office on a Friday evening.

Here I wait, hoping that Jesus will "come and give me life" in a way that I can relate to, that I can receive a sort of energetic, personal revival from. I'm quickly discovering that I'm masking my loneliness by my work. Mind you, my loneliness is still not nearly as intense as it was last weekend. But if I'm honest, I love my work right now because it's interesting but also because there are people, it is a social space. It's only when work is over that that social space dies.

And, bizarre as it is, I have yet to be able to find a place in this bustling 1.5 - 2 million person city where I can be entertained (like a theatre etc). I just don't know where to look right now, but I also don't want to do it myself at the moment. I'd rather go with people who already know. I was able to do some of that over the past few evenings, so if things don't turn out tonight, I'm sure I'll survive for an evening. Tomorrow morning, I'm going shopping with one of the staff for things like a fridge and desk and such for my room. So, I'm hoping to learn a lot from him then.

So, don't be too concerned yet for me. I'm just admitting that I feel like there's nothing to do that doesn't come easily (i.e. I can't yet just go to the local theatre and sit down and watch a movie. I don't know if they actually exist; I imagine they do, but since I don't know where they are or how to find them, then for the moment, they don't exist!)

Still, I wrote John (dare I say on blogger my best and closest friend) a 4 page email. Gave me a social outlet. And the "I lift my eyes up" song by Kutless lifted my spirit. I find in those moments a sense of excitment about the possibilities of what can still happen. I'm just impatient for them to happen. And right now, there's an element of personal laziness involved perhaps.

But whichever, I'm still overall enjoying my time in Senegal. My purpose here has been made more clear to me with the passing of time, with the passing of meetings. I'm feeling more and more like this could become a really cool experience for me, despite the seemingly rocky social start.

Whatever. I just need to trust God through it all. Believe He knows best, that He's guiding me in such a way to teach me new things.

NEways, sounds like people are packing up out of the office. We'll see where this goes. . .

En françcais finalement

2006-12-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Alors, bonjour à tous et à toutes,

Finalement, je prendrai le temps d'écrire quelque chose en français. Je vous assure que c'était quelque choses que j'ai voulu faire plus tôt mais que c'était difficile de prendre le temps. Alors, c'est assez de ça.

Le weekend passé n'était pas bien passé. Franchement, c'était horriblement passé. J'étais tout seul, sans quelqu'un à parler, sans l'internet, sans téléphone, et sans espoirs (veritablement- je me demandais la raison pourquoi j'étais venu au Sénégal.

MAIS! Ne vous inquitez pas! C'est plus le cas! Non, tout n'est pas parfait, mais j'ai eu l'occasion de parler avec mes parents, les amitiés commencent à Dakar et à Fatick, les deux, j'ai fait le tour de Dakar hier soir avec un nouveau ami du bureau à Dakar etc.

En plus, c'est plus un question de ma mentalité, ma perspective. D'abord, j'étais inquiet ou bien avais peur de cette nouvelle culture. C'est bcp plus different que chez moi, que en France. Mais franchement, ce n'est pas si dangereux au point où je ne peux pas être moi-même. Oui, je dois prendre soin. Ca c'est clair. Mais, je ne vais pas apprendre, en plus, je ne vais pas vivre si je n'explore, n'essaie pas. Alors, après une semaine de la hesitation, de la doute, je suis prêt de commencer.

En plus, cette semaine à Dakar m'a aidé bcp de mieux comprendre mon role, mon travail, ma 'raison d'être' si vous voulez. Avec tout cette nouvelle connaissance, je commence à plannifier mon travail.

Alors, ce que j'ai observé ici au Sénégal: c'est chaud, le soleil brille tout le temps (pas des nuages etc), c'est jamais froid, même si de temps en temps il fait doux. Mais, jamais froid.

C'est très pollué. Malheureusement, les déchets sont partout. Partout. Vous les verrez quand je mettrai les photos sur l'internet. D'abord, il faut je les prenne!

On peut voyager en ville par taxi a un bon prix. Toujours, on decide le prix avant d'entrer la voiture. Et alors, si vous avez décider aller au Place de l'independance (ca prend 20-25 min par taxi) ca vous côute 1500 cfcas (3 dollar americain). Puisqu'il n'y ait pas un métro, c'est le meilleur choix.

Hier soir, quand j'ai fait le tour de la ville avec Paul, c'était merveilleux. On est allé aux endroits qu'il savait, et on a discuté pendant toute la nuit (en anglais, même! C'est plus facile, mes chers. Je suis désolé!)

Ben non, quel autre? Ah oui, peut être un peu de ce que je vais faire ici. J'ai déjà expliqué, mais je crois qu'en anglais seulement. Ici au Sénégal, je vais faire une etude, un peu de recherche conçernant la gestion des ressources naturelles (GRN) - les pratiques, techniques, et perceptions vers l'idée. Pendant mon temps ici au Sénégal, je vais passer le temps en essayant de mieux comprendre le context générale des projects de la GRN qui existent déjà. Qui était déjà fait? Quelles sont les succès, les échecs etc. Que pensent les agriculteurs vers l'idée? Pourquoi?

Ici au Sénégal, il y a le problème de la salinization et dégradation des sols et aussi le déboissement des forêts. En cause du vent et de la pluie (qui vient rarement, mais quand elle vient, elle crée de l'erosion), il y a un perte des matieres organiques sur les sols, alors il y a un perte de fertilité, de production.

Ca crée un risque pour les agriculteurs, qui, même s'ils savent qu'il y a un problème et comment à le surmonter, choisissent à ne pas changer pour peur des conséquences s'ils échouent.

Alors, le problème est complexe, et Vision Mondiale espère que peut être je peux decouvrir les raisons subtiles qui expliquent pourquoi les agriculteurs n'appliquent pas leurs conaissances.

J'imagine c'est pas tout a fait clair, mais j'espère que vous avez un idée quand même.

Et moi, je vais chercher les choses à faire ce soir. Je voudrais faire quelque chose different. On verra.

A plus!

Death of a social butterfly

2006-12-04T04:24:00.000-08:00

I won't be lying if I tell you the transition over the weekend was rough, to put it mildly. Thanks to a few phone calls (predominantly home to my parents) and the proceeding onslaught of prayers from them on my behalf (probably combined with that of some from my church and friends too) things have turned around somewhat.

Mostly, my struggle over the past few days has been largely social. There has been no one to talk to in such a way that I feel I'm connecting. There are very few people to talk to to begin with, but then just because you're talking AT someone doesn't mean you're necessarily talking WITH someone. When the world has changed completely overnight, and there is no one there you truly feel, life, at least for me, gets difficult. Death of a social butterfly. (although associating myself to a butterfly is perhaps a little depressing, although slightly funny)

And there you have it: if I'm honest with myself, I don't feel I was welcomed in both the way I was expecting and in a way that seemed well planned. Part of the blame falls on last minute scheduling changes. The rest falls on culture and perhaps a bit of personal unpreparedness (both on my part, but definitely on their part). Needless to say, I can't really blame anyone, whether I want to or not.

Still, combined with the loss of social interaction over a period of 6 days, when all I really wanted to do above anything else was talk with someone about what was going on, what I was seeing, where I was going, and the why's of everything, all these things came to a boil Friday night. That's just the way I am. I'm extroverted. I process externally, but talking to yourself only gets you so far . . . ha ha ha!

I wrote an email to a friend that night. I didn't send it because I wasn't connected to the internet. He has never received it, but soon he might. It's pretty dark, but it probably gets across pretty accurately what I was feeling at the time. It would be unfair, however, if I sent that email without a follow up of how I'm currently doing, having now passed, at least in part, through a dark, shadow time.

And God was there through it all, both in times when I could feel He was, and times when I wondered where the heck he went. But, there were moments of peace in the storm, and there were some good resources to be reading during that time.

Still, I feel that if I am to last in the field, I will need to understand that that process will probably happen to me every single time I go somewhere new. It might help if I have someone with me next time, whether that be a friend or maybe a wife. That would be good. Not sure how that would work, though. Maybe that'll be the next thing on the "to do" list. Ahem. I don't think it works that way . . . ha ha ha! But regardless, someone I know, and who knows me, will be a huge help in allowing me to process through everything. And, besides, I think the work might be accomplished more effectively as a result.

But ya, besides the frustrating times over the weekend, there were some cool developments:
I went to church. It's composed of 20 people about. The service is conducted in Serer and French. I liked being in the House of the Lord, but I have yet to connect with people. It will be interesting to see where that goes, but God's house is a great place to be no matter where you are in the world.
I also started taking some initiative. That's been part of the problem. I'm still coming to my 'aggressive' senses, still coming to a point where I just say 'to heck with it' and go out, ask a billion questions, and start doing some exploring. That's been harder than normal only because it's a totally different environment and it sort of disarmed me for quite some time. But, on Sunday, I just started investigating prices of certain products, basically so that I empower myself to be able to buy my own products, whenever I want to, on my own terms. I'm become tired of waiting for them to do it for me so that they feel better about my safety. Still, there's a long way to go about learning about all that is around me.
I started wandering around the 'city' too, so I have a better sense of where some things are, and how to get to and from work and my house. That was a good move too because this morning I walked to work instead of being picked up. I will continue to do that.

Anyways, this blog is getting long, and I need to get back to work. I'm more excited to do so for the moment because I have a sense of what I'm doing.

I hope everyone back home is doing well. Please continue to pray for me, though, as the change here has been harder than I imagined (and yes, I'm just as surprised as you are!).

And although only a few lines, it's the most important part of my blog: Pray for the development of friendships; pray that I discover the city I'm in so that I can do things independently. Pray that I do so in a culturally sensitive and personally safe manner. Pray that I find a home at the church where I go. Pray that I get a cell phone if that cell phone facilitates social networking. Pray that I'm able to develop a friendship with my house mate, Mor. And pray that I might become excited about the possibility of my being here so that I view things from a positive and hopeful perspective. Just pick one or a few though. Don't worry about them all. Because between you and the rest of you, the strengh of community will get the bases covered.

And then, once my head is on my shoulders, I'll be able to direct you guys to pray more for others than for myself.

I look forward with hope, knowing that there is time for friendships to grow, and out of that social support network, a productive time away can be had as I engage farmers in the villages to investigate what it might mean for them to go about 'managing their natural resources' in a sustainable manner.

Have a great day guys. I'll work on it from my side over here.

Bonjour tout le monde

2006-12-01T00:43:00.000-08:00

Voici un blog pour mes amis et amies francais(es). Franchment, il y a été un nombres de changements pendant ces derniers jours. J'ai rencontré plusieurs personnes et au fur et mesure, je trouve les choses necessaire pour survivre. Par exemple, juste ce matin, j'ai démandé un homme au bureau s'il pourrait me montrer où trouver le pain et le fromage. J'ai démandé le prix, et maintenant, j'espère de le faire tout seul bientôt. Ce matin, on fait un marche pour l'appui pour la lutte contre le SIDA. Ce sera très interest, je crois. Honnetement, j'ai pas le temps d'écrire, mais alors vous savez que quelquefois (pas toujours!) la vie ici peut devenir un peu occupé, je vais faire le poste. Mais voila, je vous écris bientôt pour que dire en plus.

My first blog in Senegal

2006-11-29T01:19:00.000-08:00

Wow. Pretty crazy. It's very interesting trying to get used to what's going to happen over the next seven months. Frankly, a lot of things seem to be up in the air, but I'll be okay with that as long as the rest of the WV organization is okay with it.

Funny to think how much work gets put into you for an internship. I had 5 weeks in Canada just for orientation, and there's at least 1 week here where I'll do nothing but try to understand what's going on around me. At least, that's my impression.

NEwho, it's 9:30 am here in Senegal. I arrived at the office at 8 am, according to schedule. They've been pretty good about that so far. But, as for what I'm doing for the rest of the day . . . It is in these moments where Carrie's words "it'll be whatever you make it" become very real. Interestingly enough, though, my supervisor here in Senegal just moved to this office himself a few days ago. So, I think he's trying to get a sense of what to do himself.

Basically, I have the rest of the week to move into my own place (where I'll be permanently, I think), do my own research on anything related to the Sahel and natural resource management, and figure out, hopefully with the help of someone, where to buy food, how to go about eating, obtaining water! (that's a big thing - I have a litre on my desk that I know is safe to drink. After that . . . ) So, I'm thankful sincerely to the Lord that I decided to buy the Purina water droplets. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I would do beyond today. Mind you, that's only good for 120 litres. That won't take too long.

I woke up this morning to the call from the equivalent of the miniaret here in Fatick. It reminded me that, yes, I am in a very muslim country. Pretty eerie, but that's mostly because it's unknown. The sound made me reflect on the reality, though, that there are just as many Muslims in our world as there are Christians and that this is their reality. If they were to come to Canada, can you imagine the culture shock they would have? Just as strong as mine has been so far.

I slept under a mosquito net for the first time last night. The first night I was in a hotel in Dakar and decided against it. "I didn't see any mosquito's" and I sprayed shadows in the room. Not sure if that was rightful logic, though. It just seemed freer of the bugs. Last night, on the other hand, I used different judgment, and will so from here on in.

There was also a cutting out of electricity last night. I never thought I had taken electricity for granted, but arriving at that hostel, in the dark, with all of my luggage, and not having eaten yet (it was 6:30 pm), you should read my journal. There is a motif of despair almost that runs inbetween the words. There will be many more moments like that.

And yet, I lay in my bed, praying to God to help me make sense of my world and I realized the self-centred nature of my prayers and of my perspective. There I was, lying in a bed, with a fan going (electricity was on again), a mosquito net, a stomach full of food. Most of the people in the area outside this city, I assume, don't necessarily have a bed, they don't have electricity, they maybe didn't eat dinner, and if they did what was it? If I think Fatick is a shock, I have to wait until I go into the villages. Like I said, there will be many more moments like that which I've had. The path will just go further into the forest.

Anyways, it's time I try to get some work in. I should try to be proactive with my time. I just thought it would be best to set up a blog first while I had internet and could publish something.

More to come, whenever I get the chance.